Thoughts on the Journey

For the past couple of weeks other than a few notable exceptions like the day of my sister's memorial, the weather has been rainy or cloudy. That plus all the driving and traveling I've been doing has left me feeling not completely tethered to one place and that my apartment and my job and my family all strings anchoring me. Some are good anchors like my family that reminds me how loved I am and the wonderful people that my family connects to and makes me want to reach out to my friends and those that care for me.

Also my apartment with a growing windowsill garden that now includes tiny seedling sunflowers that weren't ready for my sister's memorial and hyacinths in a vase which were one of many gifts brought that day. My job is this strange mixture of students with all their busy lives, who share with me and bring me in, the constant and also shifting needs of the library while at the back is the sense of the school waiting to go, nope, done with you.

The travel has helped to center me as the driving gives me time to think on story ideas and get to know New England better. And driving helped me to a point of being with family and a true pause.

I went to Mystic, Connecticut the weekend before last and had a great time. I chose Mystic because of its Seaport museum and with the idea that it was farther south and would get me closer to family. Now I want to go back since I loved the Aquarium, the museum and its waterfront and would love to explore more of the area with all the history and funky shops.

( Memorial talk below )

This week, work has been good, we're moving into end of the semester mode with endings feeling closer and schedules to arrange. The tricky sense of helping for next year when I won't be there is always there adding almost a doubling feeling.

Today helped give me a sense of what's next as I had a good all day interview at a school for a middle school librarian family leave position. It was a place I could see myself and I feel like I presented myself really well. After I got home, I wasn't ready to sit as I had odd energy and took the T into more of Boston to walk and think, which was a good feeling. I even ended up getting a character from a blind bag that I've been searching for.

Looking ahead, I want to meet up with Boston people as seeing my brother surrounded by these friends that he and my sister grew up with made me want my hanging out people. Life is full and good and I feel hopeful, while having pangs as I see something I wish I could share with my sister.

I've been meaning to properly update but never seemed to find the time or energy. May I was busy teaching and then with an intense fact-checking job. Then for my birthday weekend, my mom came up to visit for two days and we walked around my neighborhood and downtown Boston. We get along really well so it was great to have some time to shop and talk. Then I had a little pause before picking up another fact checking job that I ended up doing while heading down for a nice visit by the shore. At the moment, a lot of the family is here and more are arriving.

I finished my work on Wednesday and somewhere in May or June picked up a cough and a cold. That's made it harder to have the energy to feel relaxed and enjoy the fact I'm on break. Having time to sit and read is helping and I plan on doing baking and cooking. Also my brother from France and little nephew are coming down which will be lovely.

I'm just in a kind of odd state, last night I had a huge amount of trouble sleeping but I'm getting closer to writing up some scenes on a fic that I'm constructing from ficlets. The idea for the ending is there, now its getting the words. I'm also hoping to try and catch up on all my book reviews, I'm so behind but I like doing them.

Oh and on Wednesday and Thursday, I had two phone interviews for a school librarian job, which was unexpected and kind of nice. At the same time, I don't think they were my best interviews since on Wednesday, I was counting down the pages I had to get done and Thursday was okay but phone interviews with multiple people are always strange. The weather's being nice as its not too hot, instead its been kind of rainy so I'm planning on going out for a walk then baking.

My day today went from getting going on a good schedule to annoyed at the hotel and then curled up in a snow day. I'm not too far from Boston and have done some arranging for my job thing tomorrow, not everything was moved but I sent messages.

This hotel is one I won't be coming back because even though its a chain I like and near the highway, the way they acted this morning was awful. So I wasn't the only one trying to leave this morning and I said I was checking out. Then I went to my car, got my stuff inside, cleared it off, everything started and I was able to back out and then got stuck. That all took me half an hour, I know they were busy but I feel like if you have a hotel with snow expected, check in a lot with people. Weirdly, there were two guys in a pick up truck just sitting there. I still don't know if they were watching me or what.

So I went in, cold, wet and annoyed because the side door locked and I'd turned in my key. I get in and try to get the front desk attention, they finally try and help me because I'd pulled my car out enough to block the snow plow. After a lot of yelling and some more interactions where they really didn't seem to trust that I knew my car, we got it back into its parking spot. Another woman who's car was out near mine watched it and was wonderful for sympathizing with me and saying, no, I heard what they were saying, you were right. I really needed that. I know what it sounds like when wheels are spinning, but it did get back into its parking space.

At that point, the snow was still coming down and the news kept saying roads were closing due to accidents. I decided to stay the night so had to go back out to get my bag and then upstairs for tea. Thankfully a local restaurant did deliver, I had a disappointing dinner from them last night and a good pizza today. That will be dinner too. Tomorrow I'll head out early and probably drive straight to the interview hotel then go collapse where I'm staying. And at this job conference, a lot of places want to talk to me, if I miss some, I'll know I've tried and they will too.

In good news, as the cable in the hotel wasn't working, I finally watched Finding Dory, which is a complicated movie. It has some good and not so much messages about disability but overall lovely. I've also finally started reading Goldenhand and I'm liking it a lot better than Clariel. It has the faster movement to it that I liked in the other books. The Old Kingdom is a world that I'm happy to revisit. And In the Heart of the Sea is on TV too, so far its beautifully made.

Life is a lot but from my experience of heading up to Boston last time for apartment searching, I know that New England states do know how to deal with snow. Tomorrow's drive won't be fun, but I think it will be manageable.

There's also all the mess of politics that I'm working on finding how to best create change and not be overwhelmed. Its hard but all of this is making me more certain than ever that I'm in the right profession where librarians and teachers work to protect and educate.

Tomorrow I'm going to the memorial of a woman who was basically an adopted aunt. I have all these words I want to say about her and I don't know where to start. I keep looking back at my life and seeing her thumbprints in terms of being thoughtful, loving and teaching.

Today my mom and I made a huge amount of cookies for the reception after her memorial, a potluck because she always loved potlucks. Food made to be shared and with love matters.

She died a week ago and I don't know if I'm ready to not have her somewhere. She's been failing and hurting and she passed in her sleep, but I miss her.

Thank you just_ann_now and camwyn, your cards have arrived and they're lovely. For anyone who'd like one and if you've moved or not sure I have your proper address, please comment on this post, also if you'd like a fic, let me know. All comments are screened and I hope to get them out this weekend.

Today I started the first day of a four day subbing job doing close to what I love and as always it leaves me thoughtful about what works versus ideas. I'm glad I signed up for this almost week long job, RP and writing will be slower but that happens. I'm also revving up for another round of many job applications, because I want to be in a place full of people who get me and that means finding a job that works and wants me.

Yuletide is going, I feel like its a good pace and I'm happy with what I've written so far. An unexpected pleasure is helping with the weeding at my local library in preparation for their move next year. At the moment, I'm going through the juvenile nonfiction section and some of the books are strange. I enjoy having the time to do that and it gives me a chance to talk more with my mentor there.

For now, I'm glad to be sitting as this subbing job requires lots of standing but I have good shoes.

I'm having a quiet week since due to when the school break is, I won't be substituting at all. That's given me time to get to work on a number of things I've been meaning to do and have the time to finish up some reading.

Today I signed up to write a review for Smart Bitches, Trashy Books. I love looking through the RITA nominees and then seeing what I can find at the library. In an annoying twist, the books that really caught my eye weren't at the library but they just add to my to-read list.

I also signed up to do some volunteering with one of the library associations with, I hope that helps me in terms of reaching out. Its something I've been wanting to do more of, but I needed to get a little braver. I'm waiting on hearing from a school, so the busier I am the better. It feels like there are doors opening and I only need one place to say, yes, we want you. I did my taxes today which were simple, that was nice and now they're done and I've sorted a lot of books to go the library book sale. My other main goal for myself this week other than the sorting and taxes is to finish a fic and post it.

That reminds me, one of the ARCs, I picked up in Chicago was for To Hold the Bridge by Garth Nix. I know a lot of people on my circle/flist read him and I'd love to pass it on to someone who will enjoy it. Comment here and we can figure out how to get it to you.

Now for the books that have been happily filling my time.
What I finished reading

Only Enchanting by Mary Balogh, this book is part of her Survivor's Club series which focuses on a group who were all wounded in various ways during the Napoleonic Wars. They're brought together by a noble who lost his son and opened his estate to all of them to heal. The series starts six or so years after they all returned and now they're mainly healed and meet annually at the same estate. I adore this series and Balogh's writing, because all the characters have depth, she shows different sides of the Regency world and all of the endings feel earned. This one is particularly interesting as the hero suffered major head trauma so he has missing parts of his memories and doesn't always feel in control. I liked how she dealt with his challenges and the romance was complex and fascinating.

I also finished my reread of Passage by Connie Willis and my parents are currently reading it. I always enjoy her writing because of how they remind me of my favorite mysteries, strong characters, a plot that pulls me in with the addition of something more.

What I'm reading now

Shadow Scale by Rachel Hartman and this is an amazing book. I love how the story and the world has grown bigger since Seraphina and the challenges that face her.

The Seneca Falls Inheritance by Miriam Grace Monfredo which is interesting. Its a mystery about a librarian set not long before the Seneca Falls Confederation and the main character is a friend of Elizabeth Cady Stanton. The writing is good, the author brings in many aspects of what it means for the main character to be a single woman and how she fits into the town. So far the mystery isn't that gripping which is why I keep putting it down and picking it back up again.

What I'm reading next

Yesterday at the library, I picked up Night Watch as its been a while since I reread it. Other than that, I'm not sure, my to-read pile is always daunting and challenging.

My words have gotten loose finally, I've missed them. In November, I got stuck in my own head and my own worries and everything slowed and didn't work. In the last week, they've started flowing again and oh I've missed them a lot. My Yuletide is over 1000 words, it has no real structure to speak of but there are words there. I'm in the process of applying to be a substitute teacher, my resume is looking better and I'm making plans to go to ALA Midwinter. Also the few holiday cards and presents I'm sending out will be going out soon. I'm sorry I won't able to be send something to everyone but my wallet isn't up for it, but do know I want everyone to have a wonderful new year.

Now for the December Meme, this is my last prompt through I do have two fics I plan to write. Please ask me more and ask me into January or an unspecified date. I love what I'm getting asked and want more reasons to write.

aberration asked: Favorite movies! At least three, but as many as you want.

Movies are like books for me, there are so many I love but a lot of it shifts depending on what I've watched recently. These are the three that come to mind first and are my current favorite movies and not favorite movies of all time, that's trickier.

Russian Ark: This movie feels like a companion to Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell to me, because its on the edges of time and yet looking at things of certain times. There are stories within it that we never truly know; the narrator and the European, yet we don't need to know their stories to appreciate the movie. Also Russia, I want to go there someday, not at the moment but this year I also read Mastering the Art of Soviet Cooking which is about time and Russia. So going back to this movie made sense to me and its one of those movies that I always see something more in it.

Dead Poet's Society: In my mind because I recently went to the private school in Delaware where it was filmed. I was there for an amazing networking thing so only had a moment to snap three photos with my phone of the courtyard and view onto the river from the movie. But augh, this movie, that I rented from our local video place who's name I don't remember and fell in love. I remember sitting in front of the TV that used to be higher up and crying at, then it was one of the first videos I bought for myself along with Newsies. Its why I adore Walt Whitman and why being a teacher counts to me so much, because I've seen how powerful it is to say to a child, I see you and know you can do more.

Pacific Rim: When I saw this movie in the theaters, I needed it a lot. My past year had been awful but seeing people coming together and caring and fighting, it made me happy. I still have two works in progress that are fusions of Pacific Rim and other canons because it just woke up my imagination. I love how hopeful it is and global, not easy things to manage in a movie. I love it.

Now to end the same way I did with the book posts, ask me tomorrow and the answers might change.

As it rains outside, I'm sitting and listening to the 50th anniversary of the March on Washington on NPR and remembering why I chose to be an educator and a librarian. This past year while I worked in the suburbs around Detroit, I learned a lot by seeing how the internet has opened ways for young people to explore more of the world and question it. Yet I also saw how adults wouldn't listen because there were some truths that they weren't ready to deal with. I hope that the speeches today are heard and do make a change because listening to each other and understanding that we all need each other matters. Its heartening to hear the lists of everyone who counts in the speeches because it shows that in fifty years, more people are recognized. There's a lot to do and if I can help by providing access to books that better reflect the make up of America and access to online resources and a safe space for young people then I'll do it.

I've been rattling around in my parents' house in Delaware, which I really needed. Being by the coast makes me happy and settled in a way that's helps me feel better. Part of that is lots of pictures because this area is beautiful and my parents have created a wonderful haven for themselves here. Most of the pictures have been posted on my Twitter and Tumblr, but if you don't follow me there, on Instagram I'm here and you can look over them. Sadly Instagram doesn't make it easy to post images into blog posts or else I'd do that more often. I've been going for walks and taking care of various errands plus finishing up a few fics. Also due to being a writer, I listen to this history and find myself wanting to write about Charles listening to these speeches with his first few students and realizing that change can come about. I really wish that Pacific Rim was playing somewhere nearby because I could do with a rewatch of it.

One nice benefit of my parents' place is that they have a big TV, no cable but an Apple TV so I've been catching up on various shows. I've now watched most of the older seasons of Warehouse 13, the first season of New Girl, which I loved, some of Parks and Recreation which didn't really catch me, The Vicar of Dibley and various other movies and shows that catch my attention. Sadly I haven't figured out how to mirror my computer on the TV, I think its because my laptop is older than Airplay, but I'll sort it out at some point. And I hope soon to start working at my local library, which will be wonderful. Its a great library and a place that I enjoy being in.

FicFriday returned last week with lots of wonderful prompts.
( Twitter fics> For @minkhollow42 <i>Dem, to everything there is a season</i>  )

My original plan for today was to go out somewhere either to the DIA or the Detroit Zoo, but instead I slept in wonderfully long and late. It turns out that I needed it and then I went and enjoyed a nice lunch. I opened up my package from my parents which had homemade chocolate-hazelnut brownies, which are delicious, lovely earrings with a circle of red and blue glass and a pile of Agatha Christie mysteries. One of them is a Poirot, which I recently bought for myself to reread as I was having a kind of craving for it. I love that we think that much alike. Early, my mother also sent me a Lush gift card which I haven't used yet but have ideas for.

Tomorrow if the weather's nice, I will head out to the zoo and then next week will be odd but good. None of the last days are actually full days so Friday really was my last full day of school. It was a nice day, chaotic and fun and it struck me how I've made an impression, the head of maintenance just kept talking to me about the history of the school and his experiences. And after work when I was eating a sandwich, two high school kids saw me and checked in. I think that might have been because one I was gone for so long and two because my eyes watering and contacts being horrible made it seem like I might have been crying. Other people checked in with me too, it was a good day. I'll probably have more feelings as time goes on but for now, I can look back at this year and be thankful for what I've learned and the trust put in me by the kids and others at the school. Wherever I go next, I'm to quote Wicked changed for good.

I realized due to heading off on my roadtrip that I never got around to writing up last Friday's fics and I ended up doing some this Friday as well. Its going to be a long list.

( Twitter Fics )

I found this on seananmcguire's tumblr and it felt right on this day full of moments of connections. I told one of my regulars who was asking about getting headphone splitters for the computers that I wouldn't be at the school next year, he whined and leaned his head on my shoulder, seventh grader for context. It just about broke my heart, I want to spend my life working with kids and teachers making connections.

Naomi Shihab Nye (b. 1952), “Wandering Around an Albuquerque Airport Terminal.”

After learning my flight was detained 4 hours,
I heard the announcement:
If anyone in the vicinity of gate 4-A understands any Arabic,
Please come to the gate immediately.

Well—one pauses these days. Gate 4-A was my own gate. I went there.
An older woman in full traditional Palestinian dress,
Just like my grandma wore, was crumpled to the floor, wailing loudly.
Help, said the flight service person. Talk to her. What is her
Problem? we told her the flight was going to be four hours late and she
Did this.

I put my arm around her and spoke to her haltingly.
Shu dow-a, shu- biduck habibti, stani stani schway, min fadlick,
Sho bit se-wee?

The minute she heard any words she knew—however poorly used—
She stopped crying.

She thought our flight had been canceled entirely.
She needed to be in El Paso for some major medical treatment the
Following day. I said no, no, we’re fine, you’ll get there, just late,

Who is picking you up? Let’s call him and tell him.
We called her son and I spoke with him in English.
I told him I would stay with his mother till we got on the plane and
Would ride next to her—Southwest.

She talked to him. Then we called her other sons just for the fun of it.

Then we called my dad and he and she spoke for a while in Arabic and
Found out of course they had ten shared friends.

Then I thought just for the heck of it why not call some Palestinian
Poets I know and let them chat with her. This all took up about 2 hours.

She was laughing a lot by then. Telling about her life. Answering
Questions.

She had pulled a sack of homemade mamool cookies—little powdered
Sugar crumbly mounds stuffed with dates and nuts—out of her bag—
And was offering them to all the women at the gate.

To my amazement, not a single woman declined one. It was like a
Sacrament. The traveler from Argentina, the traveler from California,
The lovely woman from Laredo—we were all covered with the same
Powdered sugar. And smiling. There are no better cookies.

And then the airline broke out the free beverages from huge coolers—
Non-alcoholic—and the two little girls for our flight, one African
American, one Mexican American—ran around serving us all apple juice
And lemonade and they were covered with powdered sugar too.

And I noticed my new best friend—by now we were holding hands—
Had a potted plant poking out of her bag, some medicinal thing,

With green furry leaves. Such an old country traveling tradition. Always
Carry a plant. Always stay rooted to somewhere.

And I looked around that gate of late and weary ones and thought,
This is the world I want to live in. The shared world.

Not a single person in this gate—once the crying of confusion stopped
—has seemed apprehensive about any other person.

They took the cookies. I wanted to hug all those other women too.
This can still happen anywhere.

Not everything is lost.