Thoughts on the Journey

To start with, I can be found at Dreamwidth as ceitfianna, I’m still crossposting to LJ and most of my longer personal entries from Tumblr have been posted there as well. My photographs can be found on Instagram and Twitter where I”m also ceitfianna. On Twitter, I mainly retweet and sometimes post about books or things I”m doing, its never been a major place for me, more one that I keep an eye on. My fic can be found on Archive of our Own where I’m FiKate, which is also my Discord name. Please join me and if your username in other spots is very different, send me a note to tell me who you are.

I wanted to wait and write my thoughts on the whole Tumblr mess because other factors in my life were making me feel grumpy and negative. Today has been a good day for me; my phone interview for the perm version of the temp job I have now went really well, the sun’s been out and I found out that I don’t have to work the Friday before Christmas.

The last time I’ve seen this kind of fandom shift was when from Livejournal to Dreamwidth and later Tumblr. I remember how painful and confusing that one was for me, because I wasn’t in a stable spot in my life and all the fears of losing people came up. At that point, I was finishing off graduate school and trying to find a job, then landed in what ended up being a horrible job. In the end, the transition actually worked out okay and it taught me to keep my stuff in multiple places so I’m easy to find. One thing fandom has taught me is that once you find your people, hold onto them wherever they go.

An added benefit of this is I’ve gone back and copied and pasted all the prompt fills that I’ve written just on Tumblr. Some of them are already fics and on Ao3 or in my gdocs but not all of them. So since I was already planning on making this week and weekend all about writing, now its more so as I have some fics to clean up and post.

I have thoughts on the goodbye lunch, the last day of school and other things that I want to get into proper shape. That so far hasn't happened today instead I spent I think almost three hours talking with the lower school librarian, C, who is probably the best friend I've made at my school this year.

I have lots of things that I will end up writing but for now I'm going to share the next bit of a fic that keeps coming in spurts for me. The newest bit has happened to go now so I'm sharing it. This is Charles in Nolanverse Gotham with adiva_calandia's rule 63 Bryce Nolan with guest appearances by walksbyherself's OC Kite. I still don't know what the final shape of this story will be since I started writing it to see if I could make them work romantically. That part is happening just slowly and I'm sharing it as its one of those fics that I like sharing as it grows. Part one is here, part two is here and this is part three for now. Someday it will all come together.

( Gotham had an intensity to it that was more than what he was used to and he had yet to find out the reason for it, but he was searching. )

I found this on seananmcguire's tumblr and it felt right on this day full of moments of connections. I told one of my regulars who was asking about getting headphone splitters for the computers that I wouldn't be at the school next year, he whined and leaned his head on my shoulder, seventh grader for context. It just about broke my heart, I want to spend my life working with kids and teachers making connections.

Naomi Shihab Nye (b. 1952), “Wandering Around an Albuquerque Airport Terminal.”

After learning my flight was detained 4 hours,
I heard the announcement:
If anyone in the vicinity of gate 4-A understands any Arabic,
Please come to the gate immediately.

Well—one pauses these days. Gate 4-A was my own gate. I went there.
An older woman in full traditional Palestinian dress,
Just like my grandma wore, was crumpled to the floor, wailing loudly.
Help, said the flight service person. Talk to her. What is her
Problem? we told her the flight was going to be four hours late and she
Did this.

I put my arm around her and spoke to her haltingly.
Shu dow-a, shu- biduck habibti, stani stani schway, min fadlick,
Sho bit se-wee?

The minute she heard any words she knew—however poorly used—
She stopped crying.

She thought our flight had been canceled entirely.
She needed to be in El Paso for some major medical treatment the
Following day. I said no, no, we’re fine, you’ll get there, just late,

Who is picking you up? Let’s call him and tell him.
We called her son and I spoke with him in English.
I told him I would stay with his mother till we got on the plane and
Would ride next to her—Southwest.

She talked to him. Then we called her other sons just for the fun of it.

Then we called my dad and he and she spoke for a while in Arabic and
Found out of course they had ten shared friends.

Then I thought just for the heck of it why not call some Palestinian
Poets I know and let them chat with her. This all took up about 2 hours.

She was laughing a lot by then. Telling about her life. Answering
Questions.

She had pulled a sack of homemade mamool cookies—little powdered
Sugar crumbly mounds stuffed with dates and nuts—out of her bag—
And was offering them to all the women at the gate.

To my amazement, not a single woman declined one. It was like a
Sacrament. The traveler from Argentina, the traveler from California,
The lovely woman from Laredo—we were all covered with the same
Powdered sugar. And smiling. There are no better cookies.

And then the airline broke out the free beverages from huge coolers—
Non-alcoholic—and the two little girls for our flight, one African
American, one Mexican American—ran around serving us all apple juice
And lemonade and they were covered with powdered sugar too.

And I noticed my new best friend—by now we were holding hands—
Had a potted plant poking out of her bag, some medicinal thing,

With green furry leaves. Such an old country traveling tradition. Always
Carry a plant. Always stay rooted to somewhere.

And I looked around that gate of late and weary ones and thought,
This is the world I want to live in. The shared world.

Not a single person in this gate—once the crying of confusion stopped
—has seemed apprehensive about any other person.

They took the cookies. I wanted to hug all those other women too.
This can still happen anywhere.

Not everything is lost.

Today I started writing a story from a queer fest prompt because it got into my head about Charles and being bi. If you're looking for story ideas or a new place to write, go look at what's going on. They're open for new prompts until March 15th and stories aren't due until May and June. I've never written for them before but I went to look and the ideas started happening.

And another part of feeling like my creativity is active, I finally got Tiwa her icons back and she and a AU!Hogwarts' Will are in the sandboxes. I'd love some threads guys as I've missed playing these two.

Life is feeling good and a little odd. My monthly Sci-Fi Fantasy book club makes me incredibly happy even though I've yet to read the books for it. This week I did manage to buy the book but not read it. The people in the book club are creative, fascinating and remind me of being in crackchat, where the conversation bounces in strange ways. It ended up making me want to write more Charles as the book was Arthur C. Clarke's Childhood's End, so we discussed what was going on for people in the '50s and '60s. I ended up recommending Lilek's and stayed until about 10:30, I would have stayed later but I was tired and wanted some wine. I feel like I'm slowly creating a social life for myself here.

Work ended on Friday with a major bump as the school servers went down and suddenly there was no internet. One of the best compliments I've ever gotten for the job I do is how many kids stayed after school even with no internet. One kid used his phone as a tether for others, but overall, they were happy to just be in the library.

FicFriday ended up being partially here and also on Twitter again. Being on my journal works better for me as I'm working, but not everyone has the same issues. My dreamwidth fills are here.
( Twitter writing )

I have really needed a vacation though my worries keep creeping in. Last night I dreamed that I was sort of like Lou from The Young Riders but also mixed up in a performance for something. There was lots of rushing about and trying to get things done, but I have been sleeping a lot.

Today I got out of the house to spend some time at a cafe and do some shopping, I love my friend but cabin fever can creep up on me quickly. In some nice news, through my work email, there are these really nice emails from other people there that remind me that I am valued and seen. Its just not by those in charge, but I am.

Now I don't usually post snippets but my writing at this point seems to be in bursts. Things get started and go so far then stop and start on me. Its just how I am now with life, I don't feel like I've figured out how to live this life I currently have.

This is a complete part of something that I hope will be bigger, but I want to share it with those who inspired it. Now over in panfandomsandbox, adiva_calandia plays this rule 63 Nolanverse Batman, Bryce Wayne who is amazing. She and Charles have this complicated, prickly and frankly weird relationship that I love and need to have at least one fic where they sleep with each other. So I decided to start a fic with that in mind, but it took a sharp right turn as soon as I started.

I will write them together just once, they are not meant for romance but I can see them both hurting and needing. This is a long way of saying that I wrote something with the two of them and a guest appearance by walksbyherself's Kite that I really want to share. I think this will end up having more, it feels like a story of snapshots while other fic will come along.

The current title is from The Wallflowers new album and feels far too apt for them.
( Love is a country best crossed when you're young. )

I'm using this icon because of Tumnus and snow not yuletide as it captures how I've felt this weekend, tucked at home as it snows outside. The snow will let up and then come back and sometimes be rain all this week, which has made it hard to find the energy to do much. The sun briefly came out on Friday, but other than that, its been cloudy. As I've also been fighting off feeling sick, I've slept a lot this weekend and realized I really needed it. I didn't work on Friday as I decided a day of rest would help me more than trying to push through the day. Going by just how much I've been sleeping, I think this was the right idea. I'm still a little tired today, but not as out of it as I felt last week.

Though on Friday, I did go out to a book club meeting from meetup.com that was wonderful. I think I've started to find my people in this area, even though I hadn't read the book, the conversation was wonderful. We talked about gaming, fantasy and all sorts of fascinating stuff. One of the people in group even knows one of my favorite teachers from Michigan. There was also an adorable and big black dog who decided he liked me and let me give him all sorts of scritches. I'm planning on using meetup to try and find a dance group as the combination of being social and active works well for me.

Since I stayed in yesterday due to the snow falling, I watched up to episode 10 of Capital Scandal and wow, all the feelings for that show. I love all of it, the depth of the characters, the beautiful setting and music and the humor that slips its way in.

Today I went out into the world and used the time to finish reading City of Dark Magic by Magnus Flyte, which is a book I wanted to like more than I did. Its a book that could easily be called a genre bender or crosser as it had fantasy, mystery and romance, sadly the balance wasn't always right in it. The two point of view characters were both a little too brilliant and the feel of the story would veer rather suddenly from alchemy and history to sex against statues. Its the kind of book that I would enjoy reading on a long plane or train ride where I could just sink into it and read it in one gulp, but reading it in stops and starts made me not enjoy it as much. As I would come out of it and be aware of how it didn't all fit together.

Life is going along steadily at work, I still feel like I'm out of some loops but I've got a chance to discuss my status report, which I hope will be helpful. Also I had an amazing connection with a new teacher that made me feel like I know what I'm doing. I know that I haven't spoken out as much as I need to and I'm going to work on that. They hired me because they think I can do this job and I am doing it and will keep improving. Also I have a chance to propose some classes for next year, which will get me more involved and be exciting. I finally have a Michigan license and this month paid off the last of my smaller loan from the University of Michigan, which is a great feeling. I have a break coming up in the third week of February, which I plan on going to Jackson and having some nice days of watching stuff. I also have a break in the first week of April and I'll be joining them for an opera in NYC on the fourth. If its possible, I would love to try and connect with anyone in New York for coffee or lunch or something. There's more flexibility in terms of going rather than leaving so Wednesday or Thursday. I miss you guys a lot and want to try and reconnect.

On Friday, FicFriday was interesting. I like this new way of giving prompts and then people have the option of deciding which character or world to write them for.
( Twitter fiction )

I went back to work after a nice long break, which I spent writing. My semester status report is at the moment slightly organized and feeling good to have a strong start on. There's something powerful about writing down what's working and what isn't working, though it does get me a bit too much in my own head. I might end up shifting some of the access on this journal, but one of the issues I'm writing about is I honestly have no idea how online many people are at work. I'd like to do a survey about it as schoolwide social media use is I think fairly new. Also I hope to teach a class about online life and I want to talk to students about boundaries and privacy and other issues. For the moment, its not a major concern for me, I've changed my Twitter habits during the work day, which was the only thing mentioned.

At some point, I'm going to write a librarian blog entry about some of these issues. I miss having that self-reflection but after the fairly confused, apathetic response my previous entry got at work, I stopped. Communication within and outside of where I work is complicated and not something that's easy to parse out, but I'll find my way through. At the moment, my mother has my draft to look through and edit, I didn't give the head of school an exact date in which I would hand it in as I told him I want it to be right. I just need to remember that and focus on getting the words and ideas there since I have a lot to say and my thoughts and experiences matter.

In terms of other writing, my inspiration has been strong this week, though it feels like its fled for tonight. For the first time I've been writing for the Porn Battle and so far have four stories, most of them new fandoms and pairings for me. The Hades/Persephone one has explicit sex as does the Red/Claudia, Eponine/Enjolras has a kiss and Raj/Quentin has heavy petting.

Light underground, Hades/Persephone, Greek Mythology.
Red Streak, Red Riding Hood|Ruby/Claudia Donovan, Warehouse 13/Once Upon a Time crossover
La Marianne, Enjolras/Eponine, Les Miserables (2012)
Not actually petting, Raj/Quentin, Toby Daye books

Thank you for all the help and advice on the last entry, I love this job and I'm glad its challenging me. I will figure out how best to present myself and make it work.

So far this week has just been strange and I feel like I'm fighting off something. I ended up not going to the DMV after work because some students were using school laptops in the library that I had to put away and didn't leave until 5:30. Since the DMV closed at 7 and I was already feeling rather worn down from the other stuff, I decided to go tomorrow. Due to exams, after school has been much quieter, which will allow me to leave a little earlier. I hope the paperwork won't take too long and when I hit the weekend, I'll get a long weekend. This new year is just off to a tough start but I'm going to keep growing and learning.

My meeting earlier has left me shaken but I feel more hopeful. One thing I love about this school is how even though all the complicated aspects of being part of the community as a librarian are tricky, I know I am.

Also I keep forgetting that I do sort of have a mentor or maybe just a great ally, either way I just had a good talk with a teacher about homerooms. This is the first teacher that contacted me about coming into her class and it feels like she's trying to keep an eye on me. She got where I was coming from that this is a key part of the school and I'm not sure how best to connect to it as a librarian. I got some good ideas about possibly pairing with homerooms for half the year since there are a range of homerooms. The issue for me is the library's for everyone, placing myself with just one homeroom feels odd to me. I'll find a solution.

She told me that the library feels more like a work space too and that its clear the kids respect me, I needed to hear that. Its good to know that is coming through, because one of the hardest parts of this job is getting across how the feel of the library has changed. I sometimes just want to invite teachers to come work in the library. Since I can write about periodicals and rules on gaming, but the fact that the kids see me as someone to ask for help is the change I'm proudest of.

The meeting this morning was rough but it got me going and to do some things I've been meaning to do. I will keep making things work with, but its okay to say this is hard as they haven't had a full time librarian for a while. This is new territory for everyone. My body is being weird as well because I got the hiccups, my eyes keep watering but sometimes I think they're tears, its hard to tell. Both of them have added to feeling a little out of it today.

Maybe tonight I'll go home and make sweet potato soup, that involves mashing lots of potatoes which is a good stress reliever. Then I'll have really tasty leftovers as well. I just have to get through the staff meeting first, they usually aren't too stressful.

I don't think my holiday cards are going to happen this year. I'm really sorry about this but the combination of new job, moving, the difficult transition has meant that my year has felt pushed about and I haven't had the time. Most of my vacation has been talking, resting, which I really needed and the cards aren't happening.

Since I do love gifting everyone and doing something for all of you wonderful people. I'm opening myself up to write more gift fics as I'm still working on the other ones. A new prompt, something we've discussed that I haven't written, whatever you would like, I'm here to write for you.

Tomorrow I start the drive back to Michigan with many supplies, goodies and I think a new coffee table from my father before starting work on Monday. I think I'm ready to reenter and face new challenges and keep doing more.