Thoughts on the Journey

My last two weeks have been full of a strange mixture of what comes next, the sense of the end of my time at work and looking forward to my birthday. To begin with, the Monday before last I changed offices to where the woman I originally replaced sat. What makes this change so surreal is that suddenly by sitting where she was sitting, I can keep a much better eye on the student workers and the desk. One of the parts of this job that I've had trouble with and honestly messed up a bit is helping the students work enough and keep track of when they're missing shifts. Until I sat in this desk, I didn't realize just how much of that was because I couldn't easily see them. My other office did technically have a window that looks out but the blinds are always down so I had to get up to see. People always searched me out with questions but now all I do is look up as my open door leads to the desk.

Its also odd to not be sharing an office anymore, the library has been having a lot of office musical chairs going on. So the woman who originally shared the office with the person I replaced moved offices before I went into that office. Then someone else has moved into my old office which has space for three people. Another temp who left at the beginning of May called our office the office of misfit toys, because all the stuff lives there and there were two temps plus my other co-worker, a recent alum who's working on a two year contract.

The timing ended up being just right for another reason as the week before last, other than one day, I had phone interviews either at lunch or one after work for school librarian jobs. The first lunch time one was the last day of finals and all the library study rooms where I'd normally go were rooms for finals. So I walked all over the library searching for a quiet space before realizing wait, I have an office with a door I can close. So I closed the door and had privacy to talk. It was kind of weird and nice. All the phone interviews were pretty hopeful, next Tuesday I have a video interview as a follow up to one of them. Its a nice reminder that my skills are seen and people want to learn more about me.

Sunday I was finally able to hang out with some friends in person which I'd really been needing. We bought food at the Public Market and then ate out on the Greenway. The day was beautiful and there were lots of dogs and kids playing around us. I'm trying to get myself out more this spring and summer as I've been realizing how much my commute has cut down on my desire to go too far when I have time off. I'm so grateful to live in a city where there are friends, schedule wrangling is required but we make it work. My plan for birthday is to try and maybe get to the Dragon Boat festival on Sunday or try to get out to the zoo one day. There's also free entry to the MFA with a BPL library card which I want to take advantage of too.

After the last day of Finals even before that the library and campus have been getting quieter and quieter which has meant my boss has done a little more hovering. There hasn't been too much to see was the students who are working are good at getting done what needs to be done. And I'm at the point of feeling like she can be disapproving all she wants at me that I wasn't standing directly at the desk and immediately there to help someone, but I know things are getting taken care of. Also that she was annoyed I forwarded an email to a student with some dates in it, it feels like an odd sort of reaching. But I also knew that my shark week started so I'm a little more grumbly. My contract ends at the end of June and I'm going to end having some time to not be working.

Friday was commencement and I was at the front desk all day except for when I did lunch and dropping some gifts to graduates and I loved watching the ebb and flow of people. The weather which has been grey was beautifully sunny and not too warm, just the right temperature. I ended being a tiny bit late due to traffic so had to deal with my boss being a little disapproving at me but then she left. And then it was the fun of taking these little snack bags to our student workers who are graduating as they were lining up. It was wonderful, I even got a hug and so many smiles. Then I came back and did a lot of directing people to the bathrooms and watching the ceremony where it was streaming. Anita Hill was the speaker and she seemed like she did a great job. I didn't see all of it due to my timing.

An odd note to the day was that Bill, this older man who's the main facilities guy in the library kept hanging out and talking with me. At some points it was interesting to hear his views on how things are run, we shared some complaints on how communication isn't great on campus. Other times, he talked more at me which was kind of annoying and now I look back, I wonder how often he's done that to student and other workers. He's an odd presence, tall older guy that's not very neat. Some of the things he'd said, I wish he'd actually brought up before as he sees when some jobs weren't getting done. Normally I'll see him briefly at the end of the day but I guess he also likes the energy of commencement since he spent a lot of the day near the front.

My birthday's next Saturday, which is also reunion and I've got enough students to cover it. As a kind of early birthday present to myself, I did a big order from Torrid, who was having a really nice Memorial day sale. The first thing arrived today, a dress which I put on and felt comfortable and beautiful. Its been a while since I wore dresses even though I like them, but part of this order is trying clothing styles that will make me feel summery and pretty. Another fun early birthday thing is that my parents bought me the thinkgeek death star glasses. I need to figure out where in my small kitchen to put them but they look very cool.

In terms of books, I've been reading Little, Big by John Crowley which is one of those books that's always coming up on book lists alongside other books I really like. I'm finding it slow and strange going, the language can be lovely and lyrical with an intriguing setting, but the thread of the story is odd. It keeps turning away from what seems to me to be the interesting plotline for a more almost normal one and that choice always seem to be from something happening to a woman to a man's life. Also there's an odd sexual undercurrent to it that keeps pulling me out of it. I wouldn't say its a slog as when I sit down to read it, I tend to move fairly quickly through it but it feels longer. Reading it has me wanting to reread some of my favorite authors who write magical realism or fantasy.

Last night I dreamed that the floor in my apartment was falling and then somehow flooding, it began in a corner of the bathroom and then spread. Most of the dream was spent moving various things back and forth as a handyman was there, my parents helped and somehow new architectural details of my apartment were found but it was a truly anxious dream. Also I'm sore and worn out and can't tell how much of it might be a cold from this never-ending winter and how much is grief and job worry.

Today I didn't go into work because yesterday left me so frayed due to work weirdness of getting to do something great with student workers and being reminded that, oh yes, someone else will do this job next semester, so I can help but shouldn't plan too much. Though I then end up being given some planning things because my boss is really awful at communication especially about what's happening with my job. My temp contract at this point is set to end at the end of March and I want to take April off, because at the end of the month will be my sister's memorial. And before that I want to visit with friends, have a long road trip, have an actual vacation since I really haven't had one. Yet I also want to make sure that the student workers are in good hands with someone who respects them and will help protect them from my boss' horrible lack of management and communication skills. Also if I know someone's there, then I will feel more comfortable applying for jobs and being able to say, look what I've done and what I can do. February is ending up to be a very long short month but today is a reminder to myself that if I need to take days off before I leave, its okay to, I probably need them since I've never grieved like this before.

In good news, last weekend, I went to Boskone which was just the right speed of con for how I'm feeling. I loved how the focus was really on authors and there were so many good panels though I didn't get to many of them. I ended up hearing Jane Yolen and her son talk which was fantastic, she's one of those authors that I've loved since I first started reading fantasy. And hearing her talk reminded me of how many books she's written that I haven't read but also how many different kinds of books she's written. Also I sat at a table with two authors I know of when I was charging my phone and was part of a nice conversation. The Dealers' room was my favorite kind with mainly books, interesting jewelry and stuff I normally wouldn't see. I picked up a book of Mexican short fantastic fiction, two anthologies-one I've been looking for and one I didn't even know existed that was autographed. I had a hard moment at one of the jewelry booths as they had an entire rack of earrings that looked like tiny flowers and I knew my sister would have loved them. Boskone's going to go on my list of cons to get to.

Today I hung up some art, got air in my tires and hope to maybe do some writing before ending the week with I hope a slow and easy Friday.

I've been meaning to properly update but never seemed to find the time or energy. May I was busy teaching and then with an intense fact-checking job. Then for my birthday weekend, my mom came up to visit for two days and we walked around my neighborhood and downtown Boston. We get along really well so it was great to have some time to shop and talk. Then I had a little pause before picking up another fact checking job that I ended up doing while heading down for a nice visit by the shore. At the moment, a lot of the family is here and more are arriving.

I finished my work on Wednesday and somewhere in May or June picked up a cough and a cold. That's made it harder to have the energy to feel relaxed and enjoy the fact I'm on break. Having time to sit and read is helping and I plan on doing baking and cooking. Also my brother from France and little nephew are coming down which will be lovely.

I'm just in a kind of odd state, last night I had a huge amount of trouble sleeping but I'm getting closer to writing up some scenes on a fic that I'm constructing from ficlets. The idea for the ending is there, now its getting the words. I'm also hoping to try and catch up on all my book reviews, I'm so behind but I like doing them.

Oh and on Wednesday and Thursday, I had two phone interviews for a school librarian job, which was unexpected and kind of nice. At the same time, I don't think they were my best interviews since on Wednesday, I was counting down the pages I had to get done and Thursday was okay but phone interviews with multiple people are always strange. The weather's being nice as its not too hot, instead its been kind of rainy so I'm planning on going out for a walk then baking.

I work two jobs that seem to always go between feast or famine, which is one reason I want to find a full time job. At the moment, I'm in a slow point after being sick, so while I'm healthier now and there are good things. I keep worrying and wondering about what I should be doing and what I might be doing wrong. I know myself and that I'm not the best at hustling for myself at points. Yet I have been having phone interviews which are a good reminder I do know things.

As it comes into spring, I want to try and pursue volunteer opportunities and more social stuff as getting out and doing always helps me feel better. Its that first step that's hardest. And I'm still working on my writing and trying to actually finish some big projects, but I know if I write some shorter ones, that will give me a push. Basically my head is full of a lot and I wish I had the money to go see movies and that I could quiet some of my fretting.

In good things, I've started reading an intriguing book called The General's Niece about a niece of Charles de Gaulle and while its mainly her story, its also the story of the women involved in the French Resistance. And I appreciate how at the beginning, the author talks about all the ways of resisting and what this time in history means for the French. It fits well with another book I read earlier this year called Wine and War about the Resistance and the French vinters, another nonfiction book I highly recommend.

One big reason that I've been picking up these books is to get ideas for writing Cassian and the Rebellion since Rebels and books and other provide some ideas, there's not as much as I'd like. Also I was disappointed in the Rebels' finale which seemed to forget the name of the show and ignore the bigger picture while getting into Jedi stuff. My thoughts on Rebels is an entire post on its own since I read an interview with Dave Filoni that explained some of the choices and showed that he kind of missed why people loved the show. There was a middle ground between the ending and Rogue One and it went some place else.

In an effort to feel productive and save money, I'm going to bake bread this weekend along with writing and trying to maybe see people. Then get back into looking at jobs to apply for.

The Eagles won the Super Bowl! I can remember watching the last time they were in the Super Bowl in Dunedin, New Zealand and that was another nail biter of a game. I'm happy and still getting over being so tense. Here's an interesting thing I've seen floating around and a great use of comments that work.

I would like you to ask me something you think you should know about me. Something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about. Ask away.

Day 6 was about leaving feedback on fanfic and so I spent a good part of the night watching figure skating and reading Yuletide fics. I hadn't had time to really dig into the archive due to family and work, but I was able to yesterday which was a treat.

Day 7:

In your own space, create a love meme for yourself. Let people tell you how amazing and awesome and loveable you really are.

I always find this one hard but I'm getting better at it. One thing that's helped this year is getting feedback in my various worlds of work and creativity saying that yes, you're doing something right. So here's a love meme for me.

I had one of the best ups this weekend when I was able to play in a Star Wars' LARP. I've missed LARPing so much, its one of my favorite types of RP as there's improv, playing dress up and this time I got to say kriff. The setting was really interesting, a variation on the end of Republic and the scenario was very much the mods going we hate the prequels and are doing our own take. I need to make sure to get on this groups mailing lists as it made me so happy and was very well run.

In other happy news, I've been posting a lot of fics as I've had more time then I expected due to slow job stuff. So that's up and down all at once, I love finishing and posting things which are all Rogue One connected other than having my Narnia Exchange fic revealed.

In Transit is a missing moments' fic inspired by two Milliways' DE prompts from sardonicynic

Echoes is my archive and what ripples did Cassian leave behind fic.

Warmth in the Black is a bit of Jyn and Cassian fluff with a little backstory, its hard to write pure fluff for them, that I wrote for dodger_sister.

An unexpected door was the fic I wrote for the Narnia exchange which is about a Narnian bird ending up in England.

The big downs are that I didn't get the job I interviewed for at the start of the month but I have a new fact-checking job. Also that things are looking a lot tougher for my sister but she has a lot of good doctors helping her.

I've been having a wonderfully lazy Saturday in my new place after a week of various errands and getting familiar with Boston. Yesterday, I got an email from the library temp agency and there's a possible job for me. If it works out, the schedule would be weird but doable as a reference librarian. Friday night, I went to the Public Market for a wonderful meet up with genarti, Jothra and Sandry. I loved how quickly it all came together and to talk, as much as possible with the live music but it was great. The Public Market happened to be having an open house that night and I'll definitely be going back there.

My apartment's really coming together and in my unpacking I've discovered that I have so many notecards. I realized this is a great way to share my new address and send people mail, if you'd like a card, comment.

There have been a few bumps, I think I need a stool for my new bed which I bought at a thrift store before I moved. Its a beautiful antique bed and I love it, but its very high up. Another issue is that my hall light went out and as always in a new place, there's figuring out changing it. So I'm renting in a place that also has condos so condo association and landlord who both went, not our job. So I need to take care of that, I was going to do it today but somehow I did something and my ankle's been hurting, so today I've been resting. Also I had a true headache dealing with a bank as I had to set something up for rent and its mind boggling how difficult it can be to move money from one place to another.

At the moment, I'm trying to do some writing for the Porn Battle. As often happens, the fic I'm writing so far has no sign of any kind of ship but I'm pretty happy with it.

Later I'm hoping to do some catching up on my book reviews on Goodreads which stopped around the holidays and then with the moving haven't picked up. I like having them done as its a good way to keep up with what I'm reading and be part of the book world.

My day today went from getting going on a good schedule to annoyed at the hotel and then curled up in a snow day. I'm not too far from Boston and have done some arranging for my job thing tomorrow, not everything was moved but I sent messages.

This hotel is one I won't be coming back because even though its a chain I like and near the highway, the way they acted this morning was awful. So I wasn't the only one trying to leave this morning and I said I was checking out. Then I went to my car, got my stuff inside, cleared it off, everything started and I was able to back out and then got stuck. That all took me half an hour, I know they were busy but I feel like if you have a hotel with snow expected, check in a lot with people. Weirdly, there were two guys in a pick up truck just sitting there. I still don't know if they were watching me or what.

So I went in, cold, wet and annoyed because the side door locked and I'd turned in my key. I get in and try to get the front desk attention, they finally try and help me because I'd pulled my car out enough to block the snow plow. After a lot of yelling and some more interactions where they really didn't seem to trust that I knew my car, we got it back into its parking spot. Another woman who's car was out near mine watched it and was wonderful for sympathizing with me and saying, no, I heard what they were saying, you were right. I really needed that. I know what it sounds like when wheels are spinning, but it did get back into its parking space.

At that point, the snow was still coming down and the news kept saying roads were closing due to accidents. I decided to stay the night so had to go back out to get my bag and then upstairs for tea. Thankfully a local restaurant did deliver, I had a disappointing dinner from them last night and a good pizza today. That will be dinner too. Tomorrow I'll head out early and probably drive straight to the interview hotel then go collapse where I'm staying. And at this job conference, a lot of places want to talk to me, if I miss some, I'll know I've tried and they will too.

In good news, as the cable in the hotel wasn't working, I finally watched Finding Dory, which is a complicated movie. It has some good and not so much messages about disability but overall lovely. I've also finally started reading Goldenhand and I'm liking it a lot better than Clariel. It has the faster movement to it that I liked in the other books. The Old Kingdom is a world that I'm happy to revisit. And In the Heart of the Sea is on TV too, so far its beautifully made.

Life is a lot but from my experience of heading up to Boston last time for apartment searching, I know that New England states do know how to deal with snow. Tomorrow's drive won't be fun, but I think it will be manageable.

There's also all the mess of politics that I'm working on finding how to best create change and not be overwhelmed. Its hard but all of this is making me more certain than ever that I'm in the right profession where librarians and teachers work to protect and educate.

I recently started a new part-time job that's going well and taking up more of my time than I expected and I'm preparing for a trip. That's why I'm a little late but I do enjoy snowflake challenge and how it stretches me.

Day 2: In your own space, share a book/song/movie/tv show/fanwork/etc that changed your life. Something that impacted on your consciousness in a way that left its mark on your soul.

The October Daye series and all of Seanan McGuire's works. She captures figuring yourself out at many ages and what it feels like to be broken and heal. I discovered her when I was in graduate school and Toby's conflicts and troubles felt familiar and provided a connection for me. Her CD Wicked Girls is one of my most listened to because every song touches me. I've met her twice and the way she's found a way to live the life she wants inspires me. The song My Story is Not Done helped me get through one of my hardest endings.

Day 3: In your own space, set some goals for the coming year. They can be fannish or not, public or private.

This year, I'm going to move to Boston which is becoming more and more possible every day. I want to live in a place with friends and opportunities.

In terms of fandom, I want to finish up to 3 works in progress that are sitting in my drafts.

Day 4: Comment to someone you haven't ever interacted with before or introduce yourself to someone you've interacted with and friend/follow them.

I will do this as I love connecting to new people through this challenge.

Day 5: In your own space, post recs for at least three fanworks that you did not create.

This fic created a new headcanon for me with Miss Marple who's probably one of my favorite characters ever.

The Spirit of St Mary Mead (4005 words) by lost_spook
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Miss Marple - Agatha Christie
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Jane Marple, Griselda Clement, Original Characters
Additional Tags: Yuletide Treat, Historical, Multi-Era, Roman Britain, English Civil War, 18th Century, 20th Century, 21st Century, Misses Clause Challenge, Miss Marple is a Goddess
Summary:

St Mary Mead has had an unusual guardian down through all these centuries.

This fic was the perfect coda that I needed after Captain Vorpatril's Alliance, I love seeing this complicated little family come together. This Yuletide was a really good year for Ivan fics and its been inspiring me to write more of him.

Tied up with Strings (1531 words) by thetrickisnotminding
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Vorkosigan Saga - Lois McMaster Bujold
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Ivan Vorpatril/Tej Arqua Vorpatril, Alys Vorpatril & Ivan Vorpatril
Characters: Alys Vorpatril, Tej Arqua Vorpatril, Ivan Vorpatril
Summary:

Conversation while shopping, just before the end of Captain Vorpatril's Alliance.
Yuletide Fluff for jedishampoo

This fic as well feels like an amazing coda to the Derkholm series and it reminds me of some of my favorite romances with figuring everyone out.

a place to hang your hat (3034 words) by hollimichele
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Derkholm Series - Diana Wynne Jones
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Blade/Claudia (Derkholm), Elda/Flury (Derkholm)
Characters: Blade (Derkholm), Claudia (Derkholm), Titus (Derkholm), Flury (Derkholm), Shona (Derkholm), Querida (Derkholm), Derk (Derkholm), Mara (Derkholm), Kit (Derkholm)
Additional Tags: everything but the curtains
Summary:

“Mm-hm,” said Titus, ignoring the eye-roll with perfect dignity. “And if I recall correctly--” which he did “--your father owns quite an impressive estate these days. You, on the other hand--”