Thoughts on the Journey

I think I have an odd sort of pattern of moving and then acquiring new headvoices because Cassian Andor has made himself comfortable. The only issue is that since I have ten pups, I need to retire or delete one and at first I was going to do Ivan, but realized I don't actually play Jane as much. I feel like since there isn't a Tom, she would make the most sense to shift away as I have a lot of ideas for Cassian. Though its nice to have her to interact with some of the other era pups but William fills much of the same roll and he's consistently louder.

My other choices are Tumnus and Ivan, Ivan has been tricky but I love my castmates and want to leave myself open with him. Tumnus, I adore even though plotwise, I don't have a lot happening but I love having him. I want to do a lot of playing him before canon as I find the idea of Rebel spy full of possibilities and he's such a complex character.

Also my sister is now eating solid food and looking on the way to healing.

Title: The Next Christmas
Fandom: Chronicles of Narnia
Rating: G
Summary: For dodger_sister who asked me to write something Christmasy set in Narnia. Sorry for the delay, writing has been slow for me.

When Christmas time comes to Narnia, Tumnus does his best to have it all work.

He sighed and stared at the rows of cookies as Helena, the badger who ran the kitchens glared at him, "These are the best I've made, stop looking like that. They're not going to toss you out because of Christmas. You're as bad as my youngest who's always goin' on and on about how something will go wrong."

"But what if they're not the right sorts. I asked her and she only remembered shapes and some flavors, it must be the best Christmas," Tumnus tutted as he looked over the cookies and to the pies cooling on another shelf and tugged at one of his horns.

"And it will, Tumnus, it will. Youv'e asked, you've read, there's nothing that you couldn't have done that you didn't do so now you will get out of my kitchen. I've been patient, I have, because I know you and your worries but its done. Out with you," Then she lifted her apron and spoon and chased him out as if he was a tiny faun trying to steal a treat.

It was all well and good for her to say don't worry, she wasn't the one who Lucy looked to with that hopeful glance of what would a Narnian Christmas be like. The orchard was quiet and his wool scarf was in his study, but he could manage some cold now. Winter would pass and Christmas was a time of fires and hope now, not fear and hidden celebrations.

When the snow began to fall, Lucy found him twisting the tassels of his scarf and she took his hand, "Mr. Tumnus, what's wrong?"

He watched the snow settle on the old trees in Cair Paravel's orchard and said, "Nothing, truly, I just want you to do have the best Christmas."

"I shall. The smells are the best," She squeezed his hand and leaned her head against his shoulder before taking it off quickly, "Mr. Tumnus, you're getting cold. We're going inside and having hot chocolate and you can tell me what's being made in the kitchen."

They went inside together and though the goose was a trifle burnt, not due to any of Mrs. Badger's doing, the turner, a fox kit got distracted, it was a glorious meal. There were more cookies than anyone knew how to eat, the plum pudding and figgy pudding burned brightly and a young leopard found the coin.

The new kings and queens grew quiet deeper in the night as the yule log burned and Lucy twisted Tumnus's new red scarf around her fingers and said, "Thank you."

He heard the sadness in her voice and hugged her, humming a tune of his father's. In time she spoke again to say, "Its all rather wonderful, but I do hope Professor Kirke and Mother are having good Christmases."

"Of course they are in the land of Spare Oom," At his way of speaking of her home, she hiccuped a sob into a laugh and hugged him tightly.

Title: Snow in your footsteps
Characters: Tumnus, Mrs. Beaver, Lucy Pevensie, mentions of Tumnus' father, the White Witch and other creatures in the woods of Narnia
Fandom The Chronicles of Narnia
Rating PG for mentions of character death and the threat of death
Disclaimer No one belongs to me, I'm simply borrowing them to write.
Summary: Five Times Tumnus hoped for snow to hide in and one time he welcomed it. A gift fic for dodger_sister who requested a story: regarding Tumnus and snow. I tried to make this a five times fic and I hope it worked and that you like it.

( When the snow fell after Tumnus said he would watch the Lamppost for the Queen, he felt as if every step he left would mark him. )

At the moment there is a loaf of honey orange bread baking in my oven from a recipe in the New York Times' cookbook, almost all of my family presents are wrapped and I'm finally starting to accept that I have finished my first half year as a school librarian.

Today was a strange day, its one of those days that feels like it has many days in it, which is always a little odd. It began while it was still dark and lightly snowing, then the morning went by quickly in fifteen minute bursts with the students buzzing about with excitement for their secret Santas and various other stuff. The library felt wonderful and alive, then there was a holiday assembly.

What I love about this school is the assemblies are rather unplanned, anyone who wanted to perform just let the performing acts director know and then they could. There were kids playing music, doing comedy, singing and doing a forensic's skit, forensics is a type of judged performance. What was great was that middle school and high schoolers performed and everyone was clapped and cheered on. This school supports everyone, which is why I love it.

Then the school emptied because the afternoon was based around things done in homerooms. Some went out to lunch, some went to the movies, due to the weather, a lot of them watched movies and played video games and there was lots of food. I didn't interact with most of these but instead enjoyed a quiet library until at one point my supervisor went oh you haven't eaten, attach yourself to a homeroom. That didn't make sense to me just like inviting myself to the luncheon that ended up happening in the main office, I don't feel comfortable inviting myself. Its something that's been trained into me that you don't do but homerooms are how a lot of the social life of the school is built. Though whenever I've gone into a homeroom I've been very welcomed, so some of its in my head and being new. I will find my way in and some of that is going to involve talking to teachers and students to see if I can be a part of what they're doing as well as finding ways for the library to have a role in these sorts of not as structured days.

After school, my video gamers came back and were loud and rowdy and I kind of loved it. It makes me happy that even though they could just go home, they would rather be hanging out with friends in the library. Then I ventured into the blowing snow to buy dinner, which will provide food at the hotel tomorrow and fall over. Tonight there was a happy hour, a house warming and a sports event going on but I didn't have the energy for them.

Since I've been home and able to bake, talk to my parents and do some wrapping, I feel more rested. Its just been a long day and I think I reached the end of my socialness at school. This new job brings out interesting parts of me; the quiet observer who is learning the school, the extrovert who says see me and what I can do and the introvert who worries about pushing too hard. As this break progresses, I think I'm going to be able to realize more and more what I've done and can do, but for now I'm enjoying resting.

Tomorrow I set out for the east coast and will be there until the weekend of January 5th. Since my brother who lives in New Jersey is having Christmas with his wife's family, our family get together won't be until the weekend of New Year's. I'm thinking that possibly after that party, I might go catch Jersey transit and head to NYC, though only if people there have the space for me. Its been ages since I was in the City and I miss all the millimuns there. I also would love to connect with people in the Maryland area, which I wanted to do before new job whisked me away. Leave a comment or send me an email and we can plan. I've made it halfway through the year!

In terms of Yuletide, I finished mine last week and it turns out that I'm getting a Pinch Hit, which is nice. I was kind of worried when I didn't see a gift but not too much. It feels great to be hitting the road not having it hanging over me. I'm hoping that the drive will spur my brain on holiday prompts, which I'm still taking more here and hope to have them done by the New Year.

I have actually done some TwitterFics last week and this week, which I will post.
( Two FicFridays )

My bread just beeped so I'm going to go check on it and then do some packing. The bread's a little dark but smells delicious, my oven is a good one. Far better than at my last apartment so I need to remember that.

Happy solstice!

Today was my last day of school for the week and tomorrow I'm driving to Jackson to spend Thanksgiving with dodger_sister and her family. It feels so nice to know that I will be coming and going from my very own apartment. I'm still recovering from being sick but I feel much more solid at work and at home. Today was full of great moments from talking to a student about books to watching some other guys coding and talking with a teacher. Also another teacher opened up enough to complain to me about another meeting, it felt like a definite opening up.

Though I'm still rather forgetful and have a to-do list to take care of for address changes as well as other issues, but they will get done. Some of its fun stuff like finding a headboard and a nice big bookcase. I feel like I'm actually fitting in at this new job, which is a great feeling.

One thing that I almost forgot is that last week, there was a lot of writing for Fic Friday and I never posted what I had written.

( TwitterFics )

My body is being unhelpful this week, I didn't go to work on Thursday because I woke up feeling wobbly. Yesterday went okay but today I'm back to feeling out of it as my head hurts and I can't seem to find where my energy's gone off to. I apologize if I'm too quiet or snap a little bit, I haven't been feeling my best, but I'm trying to take care of myself.

I'm also worrying about lots of things even though I think I'm doing okay at work, there's just a lot to do. I have an idea for a librarian blog post of what I've done and what's in the works for this first month, but need to check with my supervisors if I should write it. As I'd like to use that blog to record some of the changes and things I notice at the school and my journey as I figure out how to do this. Writing is what helps me get through things and this is such a big job that I need to take time to stop and look at what I've done.

In good news, the roleplaying club is coming together and another student asked me to the supervisor for a video game club. I love that the kids get that I want to support them in their gaming and make it more a part of what happens at school. I just hope that I can get the teachers to see how gaming connects to the bigger conversation about living online and everything like that. It's just a lot and next week are parent-teacher conferences and I have no idea what I'll be doing during them, which is also stressful.

At Milliways, I'm loving the Slenderplot and so glad that people are willing to let Charles slip into their dreams as its a part of the way he works I find interesting. Will's not being as loud, but I'm hoping to get him more involved in the endgame as I love his connected with Jack of the Green. William's involved in a quiet way, which I like since the different levels to approach the plot are nice. Thank you misslucyjane for putting this together.

Yesterday was Friday, which means there was FicFriday and I wrote a nice variety.
( FicFriday )

I left my host's place before noon today and checked into the Holiday Inn by a little after 2. They gave me a great rate for staying longer term and there's a furnished apartment, extended stay place across the street that I'm going to talk to and see how they work out. The hope is that I'll have my own place by the end of October, but I'm going to have numerous back up plans in case that doesn't happen.

I'm going to find a thank you card and some sort of basket of goodies to thank my host for keeping me for so long. The leaving went pretty well but I want to make sure to give her a nice gift once I've had time to really stretch a bit more. Its amazing to look at the hotel room, which isn't huge but I have my own TV, there's a fridge and outlets so I can use my kettle, they'll make me breakfast and I'm within walking distance of the school and downtown Birmingham. Talking on the phone with my mom, she said that I sound more like me and I think that's true; sharing a space for so long has been much more stressful than I realized. Now that I'm not doing it, I feel like this huge weight is off of me. My mom also pointed out that finding a new place to live should be fun and since I've been feeling pressed in terms of time, it hasn't been fun, its felt horribly rushed. Now I've got more time to take my time and find the right place for me.

At the moment I'm in a Starbucks that I walked to and I'm thinking about getting myself a new ring. I should explain about the jewelery I always wear and why that's one. I think the first ring I had that I wore all the time was my high school ring, then one from a boyfriend, then I picked up this beautiful ring when I spent a month in France, then my college ring from Randolph-Macon Woman's College, I stopped wearing it when they became co-ed though it still lives next to my bed. After that I somehow ended up having rings to coincide with all my big life shifts, sometimes bracelets as well but my current one from Ann Arbor is still together and has next to it a bracelet from my older brother and his wife that was a Christmas present. They love buying me jewelery, but it doesn't always perfectly fit my style, this bracelet does. The jewelery that changes every day are my earrings and necklace and I have many options for those, but watch, bracelets and ring stay the same. Just since my amber ring was getting bent and broken, I haven't been wearing it and its time for a new one. I can feel the callous it created as I have big knuckled and small fingers.

Tonight I'm considering going to see possibly Looper if I can find it at one of the two theaters in town here, but if I can't I will enjoy watching my very own TV. I'm going to miss Zadie snuggles when I come home, but not having to pass through someone else's space will be fantastic.

Tomorrow is the All School Picnic, which sounds like a bit of a carnival with lots of groups like clubs, teams and classes selling stuff for fundraisers. It should be a lot of fun and rather chaotic but I don't have to stay for all of it just as much as I want and then Monday, I will be so much closer to school. This was the right step for me.

Now to post all the fic I wrote yesterday as there were a lot of them and I'd rather not lose track of them.
( Friday Fics )

I finished my second week and have a long weekend. This morning I looked at places to live and I could see myself living in three of the places I saw. As I was looking, I kept thinking about how my mother told me she knew the house I grew up in was the right one. What she did was she was able to see all of her stuff in it. I had that feeling in a few of these places and it makes me so hopeful. Though I also realized that I'm probably going to need to buy more furniture as even the small spaces have more space than what I had in Ann Arbor. Today and this weekend is all for stretching and planning as my hostess is off for the long weekend, so I have the house all to myself. Currently I'm in Birmingham and looking around for a new ring as I think its the end of the road for my amber flower ring. After I'm done in Starbucks, I'll probably head back and try to figure out what to do for dinner.

This week went better than last week, it had some bumps in it but over all I feel like this is where I fit. I'm getting used to the school schedule and the kids. Yesterday some boys had some trouble but I was able to help them get space. Then another teacher who knows the situation was able to take over. That's what prompted the tweet about kids living life so intensely, they went from having fun together to crying. It hurt to see but they're in good hands and I do feel like I fit.

I also got paid for the first time yesterday, two paychecks and I feel like I've gained another measure of adulthood. Its rather more money than I've had and I earned it. I mean I've supported myself and lived on my own, but this is an actual salary. It means in the future, I can plan trips and doing more.

Yesterday there was also the return of TwitterFicFriday, which I've missed. I ended up writing a number of stories and put up a big multipup EP over in the sandboxes as this weekend is about relaxing and creating. I'm hoping to head to the school on Monday and sort out some of the huge amount of stuff in the back room.

( Twitter Tales )

I realized last night why the tiredness I'm going through feels familiar, I honestly feel jet lagged. Its weird but makes sense after all the packing and then all the driving, my body isn't sure what its supposed to be doing. This also means I haven't been doing all the loose end errands I need to just yet, but I will. The other fun thing is my father has changed to Gmail and I'm now the closest computer person at some points. Its wonderful to see him figuring stuff out.

Also I can't watch the Olympics and it sucks. My parents recently gave up their cable and apparently in this area, without cable you can't even get normal TV stations. That means all my Olympic news comes from Twitter, Tumblr and whatever I can find, its weird, but nice. There are no annoying announcers but I really miss just watching the various sports happen. Just having the Olympics on is one of my favorite things. I might need to get myself to a sports bar or something at some point to see it. Is it possible to watch the BBC stuff in the US? Does anyone know how I could do that?

Oh and last night, I had a strange dream. I was working in a huge big box store that seemed to have a little bit of everything. My job before closing was to go around and do things with books and then I discovered a Renn Faire/LARP session in the far back. Then the dream combined confusing roleplaying with retail work, it was one of the stranger dreams I've had in a while.

Yesterday was Friday, I almost forgot that as its been a weird and long week. So I ended up writing some FicFriday stories. And tomorrow or the next day, the narniaexchange stories will finally be posted! I won't be able to share which one's mine until later but people other than my betas can read it.

( 140CharFic )

I have a plan for the end of the summer, it needs some tweaks and details figured out but I know where I'm headed. As at this point I don't think a job is going to swoop in before my lease runs out, I'll move back to Delaware. Most of my stuff will end up in storage as I live with my parents again, volunteer as much as possible at the Lewes library and keep looking for work. I have a mentor at that library and I'm going to visit friends and connect and reach out as much as possible.

July will be full of packing, getting rid of stuff and plotting but I can do this. Now I don't think I'll have another night of not being able to sleep due to the terror of what happens next. I hope this won't be a long term measure, but it's what I need to do next. I've done what I came to do in Michigan and now I go and grow elsewhere.

Tomorrow I'm going to be working for four hours as the Ann Arbor Book Festival swirls around the Diag.

This Friday Fic was nice and not quite as busy as others but here's what I've written this week.

( Friday words )