Thoughts on the Journey

So some parts of that finale hit me in the feels, definitely in the beginning but then it ended with a whimper and not great make-up. And a lot of the feels were basically because of stuff I went through with my sister, and the chemistry between the brothers is a big part of why I started watching. I liked the monsters and road tripping and the found family. And Supernatural will always be connected for me with the weekend that I decided to app to Milliways.

I know that Supernatural’s always been built on cliches but that ending was other than maybe the very last moment was sad and disappointing. Getting to the end without really acknowledging everything that happened is lazy and ignores a big part of the show and what people liked about it. Too much handwaving and don’t look over here involved but I did have a nice cry.

I still feel remarkably shattered from what happened today but I feel much more hopeful. I emailed the people in charge of the Pep stuff and they're going to see what's going on. I have time to register for classes in the second half of the second semester and if need be, I'll drop or audit my seminar class. Its the only one I don't need to graduate.

Thank you so much for all your good thoughts. I had a long talk with my parents that helped as they pointed out how not having a consistent advisor didn't help matters and that I have allies. They're right, SI is a good place, I just hit a bump.

Then my mom and I ended up talking about fanfiction and it made me happy as I was able to explain to her my reasons. It reminded me just how much I love writing and I think I'll be putting up another prompt meme and I wrote a Will OOM that makes me happy. He's the first character I ever really wrote or told about and I love him. Maybe someday I'll share my tales of him with more of the world.

Now I'm going to do round two of the icon meme with icons from wanderlustlover, if you'd like some of your own to talk about just comment and ask me.



Dean is my favorite part of Supernatural and one of my favorite television characters, because he feels so real with his hurts and his vices. I spotted this icon on a community somewhere and went yes. I love the softness in his face and the words, time rambles on and its worth remembering. What's horrible today won't be tomorrow.



At one point, LJ had this weird glitch where random icons would appear instead of the ones you meant to use. This popped up in a thread I was doing with the_croupier and I snagged it. I think it might actually be from Twilight but I love the sentiment, strange and overpowering love and the graphics are just right.



On one of the icon communities I follow someone posted a bunch of text icons and this was one of them. Its really important to me to say thank you and be grateful and I like the simplicity and look of this. They're two words that can brighten a day.



This was another one that I found one day and went, oh yes. I think I was during one of the many transitions I've had in the last few years and it just felt right. I like how its hopeful, but a reminder that sometimes the things you really want aren't easy.



I realized that I needed a tea icon and this one perfectly suits my idea of how to spend an afternoon with a cup of tea, a good book and something to munch on. It really is good for the heart.

Oh and I still have the tarot spread I did laid out on my living room floor. I just don't feel ready to move it yet.

This week has been utterly weird. I don't have any classes or work until Sunday night, which seems like I should be wonderfully relaxed and getting things done.

Sadly this isn't quite true, I've ended up with a bizarre sleeping pattern all this week. I'll wake up around 6:30 or so in the morning and panic thinking I've slept through the day. I get up and start turning on lights and then look at my cell phone which has am and pm as opposed to my watch and go, oh its morning. Then I go back to sleep and tend to wake up around 1 am. This has meant that I don't feel really rested and I'm just sore in lots of places, so my normal round of walking is tiring. I think a lot of this is I've been so wound up with stress that its taking me a while to truly relax, but I'm also still worried about finding an internship and getting my place ready for my parents to visit.

So tomorrow I'm going to wake up and go do lots of useful errands, Sunday I pick up a bookcase and work, Tuesday I get to join a tabletop game and then my parents arrive around Wednesday or Thursday. Also I'm working my way through all the awesome prompts and I'm still open for new ones over here.

1. Reply to this post, and I will pick six of your icons.
2. Make a post (including the meme info) and talk about the icons I chose.
3. Other people can then comment to you and make their own posts.
4. This will create a never-ending cycle of icon squee.

Icons from doihearawaltz, walksbyherself and spooky_lemur are under the cut. There is a bit of repetition so if two people asked for an icon, it only gets one explanation.

( Look at the pretty pictures. )

The AAA guy just left and was very helpful but apparently I need a new battery. He was willing to sell me one since at this point from Mazda, I'd be paying for service and only half of the price. I'll probably call him to get a new battery but this just makes me sigh because life is crazy at times. I've been recently planning my first solo road trip on break down to Kentucky to see moofoot and wordsthatfail so this is the month for learning more about my car.

Also I think this is kind of an odd sign that I hadn't charged my ipod yet since I mainly listen to it in the car.

So since I have time before I have to head up for class at 5, its time for an awesome meme from dynastessa as I try to figure out how to get to sword stuff without my car.

Comment and I'll give you three of your fandoms, then copy and paste the questions onto your journal and fill it out.

dynastessa gave me:
1. Chronicles of Narnia
2. Harry Potter
3. Supernatural

( Lots of interesting questions )

I woke up this morning and somehow got to work, I'm not even quite sure how I did. Luckily it was quiet and all the way there I kept wishing I was home, but it was one of those things that the time it would have taken to turn on my laptop, find the people to email and call, I would have been there. So I went to work which was quiet and then to my discussion section which was pretty interesting, we talked about distance collaboration and tagging.

Sadly though, I'm not feeling that much better and so the title of this entry, for some reason all the phlegm from coughing and being congested has ended up with my mouth just tasting like I've gargling salt water which I hate doing.

Ann Arbor is currently being invaded by OSU fans due to the big game and rivalry tomorrow so I think I will spend this weekend hiding away and trying to feel better. Old Kingdom folks, I have plans for plot, I even wrote some of them out, I just need to put them up here. I'll try and get that done this weekend.

In terms of Supernatural last night, I've been watching this whole season when I come home from class and the volume on the CW on my tv is always rather low and I feel like most episodes, I'm not really able to give my full attention to. So I think to really get a good sense of it, I'm going to end up watching it all on dvd.

I'm watching disc five of Season 2 of Supernatural and these are some of the best episodes of scene. They just run the wonderful gamut from heartbreaking and funny, this is why I love this show.

And I think I'm really a confirmed Dean girl, Sam's such a wonderful dork but just gah Dean is just great. Last night I watched a couple from Season 1 and I love the one with the strega, they're just so good.

I woke up today feeling rather off because I had a strange dream about going to buy a wedding dress and I found the perfect one for something like 500 dollars at that crazy store that has a tv show, Kleinfields. What made it weird was the person I was going to marry, was while a wonderful boyfriend and all someone who is not in a position to ever marry me at this point in time.

So I woke up feeling grumbly and then discovered its grey and raining. I went out to my favorite Chinese place to read since I'm almost finished Mortal Coils which is wonderful but oddly making me more antsy about wanting to hear about Michigan. Also I downloaded the finale of Supernatural but haven't felt up to watching it just yet.

Its that thing of I know where I want to be but I just need to be told yes I can go and then young people and stuff. Part of this also came about since last night I went to this dinner party/fundraiser for the Lewes Historical Society with my parents and the food was great, people were nice but I was the youngest by a couple of decades. I think it just made me feel rather lonely and the dream made it even more so. This past week has just been harder than I expected but I think tomorrow I'm going to drive out to Rehoboth and walk around there, maybe buy some books, then pick up some Nightside books at the library.

Also I wanted to ask again, if I were to be in NYC the weekend of May 28th etc, would anyone be willing to have be crash on your couch? I can bring dvds, chocolate and other good bribing things?

I haven't heard anything back from Michigan since I sent off the information that they should phone Randolph-Macon and its weighing on me. Also I didn't sleep really well last night so I've been feeling tired and not quite here all day. We're having some friends over for dinner which I hope will go better than the last time we had them over and the husband gave me a slight panic attack about Michigan.

Trek last night was a lot of fun and I really love the music and feel of the world they created and it made me smile to see how much my parents both enjoyed it especially since they watched the Original Series when it came out.

Since my parents are going off on another trip at the end of this month, I'm thinking this time I will head off somewhere too. Would anyone in NYC possibly have a bed or a couch free for the weekend of the 29th and 30th of May? I'm not sure exactly when I'd head up, it all depends on ferry schedules and such but I'd hope to make it a long weekend if I could since those are just more fun.

Thank you for all the good prompts and I'm still open for more, writing is a good way to fill my time instead of worrying and waiting.

Now I'm off to go be social but I'll be on later tonight and I have another Princess Tutu disc to watch and I still need to see the SPN finale so if its streaming somewhere or just downloadable, help me out.

This past week I've been having a lot of trouble getting to sleep, my thoughts have always kept me up slightly but recently its been even worse. Normally I'll be asleep by around 4 or maybe a bit later but lately its been more like 5 or even 6. I think I just figured out why, I'm a complete bundle of nerves and tightly wound since I'm just waiting on Michigan.

I've done everything I can think to do and I'm trying to find ways to fill my day but that's being harder than I expected. Later today I'm going to volunteer at the library which I'm really looking forward to, I just hate this feeling that it won't be enough. I've been feeling unhealthy and ill at ease since my parents went to California, falling into bad eating habits and just not always liking what I see of myself.

I know that I've done everything I can possibly do for Michigan and this is just nerves and I have a goal and soon things will slot into place and I'll get control back. I'll have classes and hopefully a job and a schedule and find a fun way to exercise and be around young people again and just get myself back.

Its the fear and wonder and worry that I haven't done enough that gets me. I really wish all of you lived closer because I think what I really need is what I used to do at Randy-Mac, hang out in someone's room and watch something good or silly and just forget about the world. I have the second disc of Princess Tutu and seasons 1 and 2 of Supernatural but I'd trade them all for someone to just be here or a voice that's not just my own. At this point I'm not sure if I'll be able to sleep but I'm not going to get dressed just yet. I'll log into aim and be around for a bit if anyone else is awake.

I just wrote my personal statement for Michigan and I'm going to upload it to their website and then walk into town and buy myself some earrings.

I still haven't decided which of the Supernatural dvds to buy first, start at the beginning or with season 2 so I can pick up where I was watching with Rick.

Life is just feeling good and hopeful and for the next round I'll tag daniidebrabant.

ETA: I just realized that I actually have more money than I thought left for this month even with buying myself some lovely earrings today, they're silver stylized feathers. So now I'm considering buying seasons 1 and 2 of SPN.