All too much

[ceitfianna]

There was a post going around Tumblr at one point about how if someone's being bothered by something that seems small, its probably because there's more going on. Today I had one of those days when the fact that I had to dig my car out since the plow that does the parking lot completely hemmed it in and I couldn't get it out, that was my point of too much. Well, no that's not true, emailing my boss and trying to explain that first I would be late and then not sure if I could get my car out and could I work from home. And her sort of sympathetic reply that basically always seems to have behind it, I think you're not doing enough hurt more. So this negative feeling plus being cold and feeling awful after being outside either in my car trying to warm up or digging it out in below 10 degree weather sat with me.

Its not until I really started to think about it that I saw just how much of this is other stuff; how sick my sister is and that I'm far away, the certainty that I'm not getting this job long term, but my boss hasn't told me yet, as well as this sense of all these other things I want to do that I haven't done. I'm so behind on my book reviews and all these things I wanted to write. Then I find myself going, well but none of this matters that much compared to other things out in the world, which I also know. Usually I can have a good long vent, do some baking or writing then I feel a little better, but so much of the hard stuff, I can't do much about.

Last night I made delicious banana bread and my kitchen is well stocked with a number of good things. I think I have to be more open with my boss about how sick my sister is, our relationship hasn't been one where I felt comfortable saying that, but I think its time. With how things are, I might end up having to go away quickly and this way she'll know. I'm going to keep doing a good job and create and do what I can, but today was a hard day.

Comments

[just_ann_now]

♥

[ceitfianna]

Thank you.

[sharpiefan]

I'm so sorry about your sister, I cannot imagine what that's like. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this time.

[ceitfianna]

Thank you, I'm still figuring out what its like.

[varadia]

*hugs hugs hugs*

[ceitfianna]

Thank you, hugs help.

[aberration]

I'm so sorry about your sister and everything that's going on, and that you feel like you can't be open with your boss about it. And I think the smaller personal ambitions that you have for yourself are important, too <3 If it helps you and brings you some kind of satisfaction and contentment, it does matter.

[ceitfianna]

Thank you, yeah, I wish things were better with my boss but its long enough. I know this is how things are. I'm doing my best to remember that and I finished a fic and that felt good.

[bjornwilde]

I'm so sorry about your sister and all the hard things happening right now.

I do want to say that difficult things are not a competition. The things that make you happy are *very* important, for at the least they recharge you so you can face the larger things. But personal happiness isn't something that needs to be bought.

I hope things improve for you and yours. <3

[ceitfianna]

Thank you and that's one of those things that I know intellectually but some days its harder to believe it.

[bjornwilde]

I hear you. That's why I wanted to be sure to say it. :)

[ceitfianna]

It never hurts to be reminded of it.

[gramarye1971]

Sometimes it's just that one small thing that brings everything home like a physical blow.

Thinking of you, and hoping you can find other small things to make life a little easier.

[ceitfianna]

Oh yes and that really happened today. Thank you.