Thoughts Blown by the Wind
Jun. 13th, 2010 11:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ceitfiannaI have a number of long and thoughtful posts that I've been meaning to write, but my thoughts are just all over the place. So this is going to be me writing some of what I've been thinking about as I walk home. Putting together my internship and reading and talking to other people in my program, I keep coming up against the fact that I'm really not that ambitious. This is something I've sort of known about myself since high school, where I had friends who did everything and the kitchen sink. I put all I can into what I do, but getting the best grade doesn't make me feel good or the award. Instead its figuring something out, making someone else smile. I tend to play characters who are the same way, the ones who help keep people together but don't need to have all the recognition.
I just worry sometimes that because I don't go out of my way to do all that I can do, I'm not doing enough. There's so much that can be done at SI and in Ann Arbor and I know that. Yet I walk home and certain smells make me think of summers at Longacre Farm or walking in Wellington and I wonder at myself. This is where I want to and need to be, I just hope that I'm doing enough.
In terms of what I have done, I think my internship is going to be fascinating as I put my head down and spend my days arranging a small library. The pieces are falling into place, its just kind of taken longer than I expected for that to happen.
Things taking longer seems to be a theme for me at the moment. Running through the canon for The Abhorsen Chronicles is tying me into knots, because I'm in charge of what happens when. Yet that's meant that I've basically restricted how much I can play my character. I recently brought him in at a younger age, which was nice but made me realize how much I miss him. This sounds really whiny, which I hate, because I adore the cast and I made this choice.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
mixed_muses has really been my savior since I can play him there as canon is worked around. Fellow cast members, I'll probably be sending out another email soon as I try to find some sort of balance.
Writing this has helped me get some of my thoughts in order, maybe I'll go poke at some of my prompts.
I just worry sometimes that because I don't go out of my way to do all that I can do, I'm not doing enough. There's so much that can be done at SI and in Ann Arbor and I know that. Yet I walk home and certain smells make me think of summers at Longacre Farm or walking in Wellington and I wonder at myself. This is where I want to and need to be, I just hope that I'm doing enough.
In terms of what I have done, I think my internship is going to be fascinating as I put my head down and spend my days arranging a small library. The pieces are falling into place, its just kind of taken longer than I expected for that to happen.
Things taking longer seems to be a theme for me at the moment. Running through the canon for The Abhorsen Chronicles is tying me into knots, because I'm in charge of what happens when. Yet that's meant that I've basically restricted how much I can play my character. I recently brought him in at a younger age, which was nice but made me realize how much I miss him. This sounds really whiny, which I hate, because I adore the cast and I made this choice.
mixed_muses has really been my savior since I can play him there as canon is worked around. Fellow cast members, I'll probably be sending out another email soon as I try to find some sort of balance.Writing this has helped me get some of my thoughts in order, maybe I'll go poke at some of my prompts.
