Between Wind and Water
Oct. 25th, 2004 02:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ceitfiannaLast night, I was walking outside in a wind that kept trying to knock me over watching pink petals from a nearby tree swirl and then fall into the river below. I felt peaceful and felt calm and right in my choice to come here. Perhaps my reasons for coming for New Zealand weren't the best, to try and get away from a future that wasn't terribly clear as Geoff charted his own course. Or maybe I just was too unsure of myself and needed to be a place where I could just hear my own voice without all the helpful advice. I'm not sure which one it is or maybe its all of them, but I calmed down a bit yesterday. Since I realized that I just needed to be quiet for a while, because I've got too many ideas going around in my head of who I think I should and who others think I should be.
Now I think I'm starting to focus on what I need to, which is getting myself back on an even keel. I think I hadn't realized how much it hurt that things had changed with Geoff, that our future had changed to being friends is hard, but for the best. The only problem was that, I don't really have a clear sense of where I'm going, so I got on a plane and came across the Pacific. So far I've discovered, a friend who is willing to telling me the stuff I need to hear and have conversations about good books, a job where I feel useful and liked, a nice city where the people are friendly. Now that I feel like I finally have my feet kind of set here, its time for me to start going out into this country. So next weekend, I'm going to do something, I'm thinking a small adventure in the Otago countryside. But with some good physical exercise, horse or kayak, who knows. Also next Friday is the 1920s party for The Cancer Society, a chance to dress up is always good and I'm going to enjoy myself. And hopefully by taking my time and exploring, I'll figure out how to keep myself afloat and move forward between wind and water.
Now I think I'm starting to focus on what I need to, which is getting myself back on an even keel. I think I hadn't realized how much it hurt that things had changed with Geoff, that our future had changed to being friends is hard, but for the best. The only problem was that, I don't really have a clear sense of where I'm going, so I got on a plane and came across the Pacific. So far I've discovered, a friend who is willing to telling me the stuff I need to hear and have conversations about good books, a job where I feel useful and liked, a nice city where the people are friendly. Now that I feel like I finally have my feet kind of set here, its time for me to start going out into this country. So next weekend, I'm going to do something, I'm thinking a small adventure in the Otago countryside. But with some good physical exercise, horse or kayak, who knows. Also next Friday is the 1920s party for The Cancer Society, a chance to dress up is always good and I'm going to enjoy myself. And hopefully by taking my time and exploring, I'll figure out how to keep myself afloat and move forward between wind and water.
Exercise
Date: 2004-10-27 09:33 pm (UTC)I understand you are going to research places for Fitz and Jennie to stay. Have fun.