Late Night Realization

This past week I've been having a lot of trouble getting to sleep, my thoughts have always kept me up slightly but recently its been even worse. Normally I'll be asleep by around 4 or maybe a bit later but lately its been more like 5 or even 6. I think I just figured out why, I'm a complete bundle of nerves and tightly wound since I'm just waiting on Michigan.

I've done everything I can think to do and I'm trying to find ways to fill my day but that's being harder than I expected. Later today I'm going to volunteer at the library which I'm really looking forward to, I just hate this feeling that it won't be enough. I've been feeling unhealthy and ill at ease since my parents went to California, falling into bad eating habits and just not always liking what I see of myself.

I know that I've done everything I can possibly do for Michigan and this is just nerves and I have a goal and soon things will slot into place and I'll get control back. I'll have classes and hopefully a job and a schedule and find a fun way to exercise and be around young people again and just get myself back.

Its the fear and wonder and worry that I haven't done enough that gets me. I really wish all of you lived closer because I think what I really need is what I used to do at Randy-Mac, hang out in someone's room and watch something good or silly and just forget about the world. I have the second disc of Princess Tutu and seasons 1 and 2 of Supernatural but I'd trade them all for someone to just be here or a voice that's not just my own. At this point I'm not sure if I'll be able to sleep but I'm not going to get dressed just yet. I'll log into aim and be around for a bit if anyone else is awake.

Update or How A Librarian Made My Day

Libraries are the best cure in the world. I was able to sleep for a few hours this morning and then went to the library and talked a bit to Maureen. Since the library catalog and general online system is having shenanignans today she gave me a take home assignment, to look through a number of recent library magazines to create a list of a dozen or so YA books that I think the library should have.

Then I went shopping and I actually have real food and its noon and I'm eating something brunch shaped and will have something involving shredded cabbage for dinner and maybe even go out again this afternoon.

Thank you for all your good thoughts, sometimes life just gets to be a bit much but I'm on the right path to getting to do what I want and I'm very lucky to know all of you.