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Mar. 19th, 2019 03:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ceitfiannaWhy is it so hard to find a primary care doctor and to get out of my own head? Last night, I had a hard time getting to sleep so I stayed home from work today. I tossed and turned, very much kept awake by worries and aches. Then tried the doctor finder from my healthcare as I need a doctor to help me with my asthma maintenance but the one they connected me to isn't taking new patients. And its frustrating because I should know how to do this, how to just take care of myself. When I've lived in new places and needed a doctor, I did urgent care or was lucky in terms of eye stuff or unlucky at another point. With this, there are so many doctors and I feel overwhelmed, while knowing I need a doctor I can rely on. How has anyone else managed this?
Then there's missing my sister and being in this weird place at work. They've hired me on until the end of the semester and posted the job again. I don't think I'm going to apply again especially since my boss told me they wanted me to keep working by saying, "since the search was a failure" and that means not me. Then today I saw that a librarian I work with who went to grad school with me is boosting the job on our grad school's listserv going oh yes, great job for an early career person. So again there's this sense of not being seen for what I do. And I know I'm probably overthinking it but its a strange spot to be in. I'm continually doing things to make everything run easier and probably will end up doing a good deal of prep for next year, then helping train the new person before I leave. And then I feel kind of petty because my newest office mate, another temp is getting on my nerves. Not for anything huge just being kind of negative and at times dismissive, its wearing, but as a person I like her.
A good thing is that I have the week of my sister's memorial off and I'm taking a few days off at the start of it for myself. I'm going to go to a seaside town with a nice museum and have a break before going and being with my family. Spring Break's coming up at work so the days are going to be much quieter and its actually feeling like Spring with the weather.
Then there's missing my sister and being in this weird place at work. They've hired me on until the end of the semester and posted the job again. I don't think I'm going to apply again especially since my boss told me they wanted me to keep working by saying, "since the search was a failure" and that means not me. Then today I saw that a librarian I work with who went to grad school with me is boosting the job on our grad school's listserv going oh yes, great job for an early career person. So again there's this sense of not being seen for what I do. And I know I'm probably overthinking it but its a strange spot to be in. I'm continually doing things to make everything run easier and probably will end up doing a good deal of prep for next year, then helping train the new person before I leave. And then I feel kind of petty because my newest office mate, another temp is getting on my nerves. Not for anything huge just being kind of negative and at times dismissive, its wearing, but as a person I like her.
A good thing is that I have the week of my sister's memorial off and I'm taking a few days off at the start of it for myself. I'm going to go to a seaside town with a nice museum and have a break before going and being with my family. Spring Break's coming up at work so the days are going to be much quieter and its actually feeling like Spring with the weather.
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Date: 2019-03-19 08:52 pm (UTC)That is just painful in one's soul. Not what you need while dealing with so many other things.
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Date: 2019-03-19 08:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-03-23 03:22 pm (UTC)And that's pretty crappy about your job :\ I kind of have to wonder if they're prolonging the job search because they know they have you and maybe don't have to offer you the same kind of benefits they would a full-time hire. It doesn't sound like you're overthinking it, really, and I think it's reasonable to consider that they're taking advantage of you and not valuing your work because you get it done, because employers are prone to do that. So I hope something works out that's better for you.
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Date: 2019-03-23 10:36 pm (UTC)It is but I think its true since running through a lot of stuff at work is worry from the top about budgets. So cheaper to use temps.