My next thirty years
Jun. 1st, 2012 01:41 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ceitfiannaA week from today, I'm going to turn thirty-one and I don't know how to feel about it. Today is one of those days that's sort of felt disconnected from reality. I've been having a rather hard time of the month and I'm constantly worrying and waiting for job news. There were errands I meant to do today that I didn't as I didn't seem to have the focus for them. I managed some small errands for things I needed but larger ones went by as I don't feel up to confronting the bank or knowing what to ask for at the massage place. The weather's also been in-between as rain has been threatening but didn't fall until I got home so my walk was under grey skies.
As my birthday starts coming up, I'm not sure what I'll be doing for it. I think the Saturday after it, I'll be seeing a movie withdodger_sister which should be wonderful but otherwise I don't know. So much of what I want is in terms of things I can't control like a job and knowing where I'm heading to that its hard to feel excited.
There was a tweet today from Free Will Astrology about sending up a prayer for something you're not supposed to. All the things I've been hoping for are what I'm supposed to want; a job, direction, a next step. I decided to think a bit about that as my horoscope was also about being a little disobedient, which is tricky. The prayer I put together rather helped and I think I do know what I'm going to work on alongside all the job things to keep myself from going to pieces with worry.
What I asked for was about writing and getting my writing out there, which kind of feels right. It's something that makes my life better but its a little selfish as wanting people to enjoy my work helps me. I love writing and tonight I started a fic about Charles' first time that wasn't what he hoped for from a ficathon I discovered that's over here about realistic first times. At this point the fic is mainly about him and Raven being teenagers before it gets into the actual other stuff and I like the feel of it. Here's a snippet as I feel like sharing some of it. I'm changing the snippet as this fic kept me up last night and I like what I wrote then better.
The music was all the newest jazz and there were martinis and Penny was in his arms and his shields were a little fuzzy, because everyone was happy. He was kind of listening but since the conversation was quiet, the thoughts were too, there was a current of desire thruming through everything but that was always there.
Tomorrow is also TwitFicFriday andwanderlustlover has created an Archive of our Own community for it, so now I can upload those stories along with my backlog of Milliways' fics. When I write, I know that I'm creating and doing something and that gives me courage to go out and say, this is what I want to do. I want to work in a place where I can foster creativity as its so powerful.
As my birthday starts coming up, I'm not sure what I'll be doing for it. I think the Saturday after it, I'll be seeing a movie with
dodger_sister which should be wonderful but otherwise I don't know. So much of what I want is in terms of things I can't control like a job and knowing where I'm heading to that its hard to feel excited. There was a tweet today from Free Will Astrology about sending up a prayer for something you're not supposed to. All the things I've been hoping for are what I'm supposed to want; a job, direction, a next step. I decided to think a bit about that as my horoscope was also about being a little disobedient, which is tricky. The prayer I put together rather helped and I think I do know what I'm going to work on alongside all the job things to keep myself from going to pieces with worry.
What I asked for was about writing and getting my writing out there, which kind of feels right. It's something that makes my life better but its a little selfish as wanting people to enjoy my work helps me. I love writing and tonight I started a fic about Charles' first time that wasn't what he hoped for from a ficathon I discovered that's over here about realistic first times. At this point the fic is mainly about him and Raven being teenagers before it gets into the actual other stuff and I like the feel of it. Here's a snippet as I feel like sharing some of it. I'm changing the snippet as this fic kept me up last night and I like what I wrote then better.
The music was all the newest jazz and there were martinis and Penny was in his arms and his shields were a little fuzzy, because everyone was happy. He was kind of listening but since the conversation was quiet, the thoughts were too, there was a current of desire thruming through everything but that was always there.
Tomorrow is also TwitFicFriday and
wanderlustlover has created an Archive of our Own community for it, so now I can upload those stories along with my backlog of Milliways' fics. When I write, I know that I'm creating and doing something and that gives me courage to go out and say, this is what I want to do. I want to work in a place where I can foster creativity as its so powerful.