Thanksgiving

[ceitfianna]

I feel rather odd, everyone has been posting these happy entries and I've just been feeling worn out and tired. Thanksgiving this year hit me with a wave of homesickness. Once when I was younger, we went out to Oregon to visit my brother Robert at collge and we went to walk on a beach. I was wearing these leather shoes and I wanted to get the sand off them so I went into the surf and the undertow just dunked me. I spent the rest of the day with the weight of these wet shoes on my feet. For me on Thursday, the wave hit and I just felt very alone and unsure of myself and it came out of nowhere. My mom had written me an incredibly sweet email that just opened up this powerful way of homesickness. I've spent all the days from Thursday trying to get myself back to feeling confident and sure of myself, but its hard since I felt like I've got those wet shoes on again making each step more work to get back to where I was.

So on Friday night, I went and saw Shaun of the Dead and treated myself to dinner, which helped a bit, but again I'm just feeling defenceless. I'm writing this to let anyone who heard from me in these past few days know that's what's been going on. Its this feeling of being so thankful for my family and friends, but I'm so far away from them that I feel alone. I know that I have the strength to be here and be a strong person on my own, just hard at times when I feel like everyone I care about isn't here and days when I wander around Dunedin trying to think of things to do.

Okay, sorry for this depressing entry, but I'm trying to lift myself up. I guess there's always a point when you're in a new place when things just feel low and you lose track on why you're there. I'm just in that stage at the moment, it'll pass and I'm going to get out and do things, but at the moment its rather hard. At least the weather's finally being nice, its actually sunny for the first time in I think two weeks. Today feels like Spring, which I need.