Almost There

[ceitfianna]

This is the second night in a row that I've had trouble sleeping. I just can't seem to stop my thoughts and my back hurts so its hard to get comfortable. Its probably helpful that I know why I'm so stressed and that part of that will be over soon, hopefully, but at the moment it doesn't feel it.

Today I got an email saying that a credit that had shown up before wasn't and now I'm worrying about graduation again. I was really wanting to spend this week working on writing my grant and enjoying the process of fleshing out this amazing program I have in my head and putting it into the grant structure.

Instead last night, I stayed up reading far too late, a fantastic book that ashen_key recommended called Green Monkey Dreams by Isobelle Carmody, but its not a good book before bed. It pulled me in and suddenly it was light out, so I slept until late into the afternoon.

Then livejournal was still down so I did some more writing as my various fics are coming together, which is nice. The high point of my day was the dinner I went to where I talked about the LIS program with alums and profs and realized how much I do know about being a librarian. It made me quite hopeful that I can get the kind of job I want. I wish I'd been able to stay until the end but work called.

Work then was incredibly quiet and I had the fun of walking home in a exciting and at moments terrifying thunderstorm. By the time I got home, my clothes were completely drenched and they're now drying.

My plan was to go to bed early and I did that but I just spent the last hour or so tossing and turning as I couldn't get comfortable. I tried counting backwards but it didn't work and my body is now reminding me that I haven't actually eaten that well today. I had a good proper dinner but that was it. Tomorrow is mine and I sent an email about graduation, I think things should be okay and hopefully its just the computer system being a pain, but its another worry I didn't need.

I'd just like to feel done. I've yet to get that. I know I've accomplished a lot of things and I'm close but all the bureaucracy keeps making me worry again. And I can't even focus my worry on that because my grant is due on Monday. When I next have the money, I'm getting a proper massage because I can feel how tense I am and it hurts.

I'd rather not give up fully on sleeping tonight, but I feel far too awake to lie in bed and toss and turn again.

Comments

[dodger-sister.livejournal.com]

Sorry you are feeling so stressed, darling. Hopefully the credit issue will work itself out sooner rather than later. Did you seriously get caught outside in that rain last night? /hugs and pats with a towel/

It was ridiculous - streets are all flooded - (my sister says the highway was washed out this morning on her way to work). The two little neighbor boys - (the nice ones, not the ones I want to beat with a tennis racket) - were out with sticks and empty water bottles, playing in the ginarmous puddles in the street yesterday afternoon. It was kind of cute. :)

[ceitfianna]

The credit stuff is now sorted. Yes, I finished work at midnight, looked outside and it was pouring down. I wasn't able to find a ride so I just braved it. It was an exciting storm and I think if I'd been in a better mood I might have enjoyed it.

It was one of those that was terrifying and beautiful. I wore the wrong shoes for that weather so my little leather loafers are currently soaked, my socks were squelching by the time I finally made it home.

[elfinecstasy.livejournal.com]

Hey there - I saw you comment on wanderlustlover that you'd like to work with the Twelve - I wanted to tell you I've begun a community here on Lj sacred12novice2 which JUST started working with Black. I'd love you to join in, my friend *HUG*. I don't plan on making another group until next Summer - there are 2 happily busy ones right now and that's all I can handle. You can ALWAYS work with them on your own - but there's something really really really special about doing it in a group of people who also care so much about it and you. I'll send you an invite just in case ;-) If it's not time for you yet, you know I understand - but I wanted to let you know I think you're meant to be there :-) :-) :-) Many blessings, ELF

[ceitfianna]

Thank you. I've been noting the two communities and I think this might not be the right time for me just yet.

I will be keeping an eye on both and possibly next summer, I'll be able to be part of a community as that's what I'd like.

[elfinecstasy.livejournal.com]

It will be there if and when it's the right time for you next Summer :-) Blessings - and in the meantime, if I can help with your work with the Twelve in any way, holler :-)
*hug*

[ceitfianna]

Is the book for sale on Amazon?

Since I'd love to have it read and think about but I'm not sure where to find it. I know you mentioned that in one of your posts but I can't recall.

[elfinecstasy.livejournal.com]

You can get it one of two ways - yes it's on amazon, both volume one and the workbook, and vol. 2. Look under Temple of the Twelve or Esmerelda Little Flame.
Or, you can get a signed copy from me. If you want to do that, it's $20 for vol. one, and add another $15 if you want the workbook too, (that includes postage.) If you want to do that, you can paypal me (email addy for paypal is essielittleflame at cox.net) - or you can send a check. Just email me at the above email and I'll give you my "snail mail" address.
If you do that, when you email me let me know who to sign the books to - (the name you want used) - and your own snail mail addy so I can mail it off.
Hope that helps - the offer to sign them stands (permanently, for you) if you want to do it sometime in the future. :-)

[ceitfianna]

I'll probably end up contacting you at some point when money's not quite as tight. Thank you again.