ceitfianna: (riding into the sun)
I really like Boston. I keep walking around and thinking of other cities that I've lived and worked in and loved. Its wonderful to be able to see friends and wander into amazing bookstores and places like the aquarium. Tomorrow I'm going to talk to my job agency and see what ideas they have for getting me closer to moving here. I know its not going to be easy but I can do this and there's an opening at the Boston Public library that I'm going to apply for.

Being here, I'm having this weird mixture of emotion. The main one is I could fit here and the other is my self doubt. I know what I can do and that I'll be able to do more in a place with all these options. Also I know that I'll do better when I have friends who are nearby to talk to and be around.

The last time I was in Boston was as part of a marching band trip and its been fascinating to go back to places that I remember. I like how easy Boston is to walk and the T has even been fairly nice to me. My 7 day pass decided to stop working and there's only one store, so I'll deal with that tomorrow but its easy to get around. Today I picked up Seanan McGuire's newest book which I'll probably read in one or two sittings, I tend to do that with her books. Life is good and I think I can see where my road is heading next.

Two of the horoscopes I read gave me two phrases that keep going through my head as I walk around and plan-'not empty but open' and 'your instincts are glittering and sharp, use them'.
ceitfianna: (Dean time rambles on)
My horoscope as of today's Washington Post feels very apt: Others might be trying to make your life easier, even though you may not realize it. It seems as if complication after complication continues to be tossed in your path. You might want to be unavailable for a while.

This is one of those horoscopes that I just go, yes, you're true at as I finished my fact-checking job today, have a holiday party for library volunteering tomorrow, an interview next week and still have to start my Yuletide. A lot of this is wonderful, good and a little scary but it feels like a lot. Though I did kind of step out for a little bit by going to the first part of the local shops holiday open house tonight and finding some presents. It was lovely to walk on my own, terribly cold but that made me miss Michigan. I had some wonderful, unexpected conversations and a nice moment before I came home.

There are posts and reviews I want to write but I'm moving past all of those onto today's December Meme. I still have a number of spots open for prompts and talking points on DW and LJ.

Today's topic is from [personal profile] dodger_sister: favorite childhood books?

I love this question and I've been pondering it for a good part of the day as I try to figure out where do I define childhood's ending. I think for me the answer is the end of elementary school, that's when books started to go into another realm.

Chronicles of Narnia: Narnia is a huge part of my childhood. I can remember reading Dawn Treader in Canada when my parents capsized their canoe at my great-uncle's cabin and watching the PBS Narnia movies. They're a bit wobbly but I love those movies a lot. I don't remember when I decided to hold off on reading The Last Battle because I didn't want the series to end, but I still haven't. Narnia is one of the reasons I love fantasy as I do. To try and explain it all is hard but so much comes from how the heart of it is kindness and listening.

Prydain: I had all the Prydain books by Lloyd Alexander but my favorite was always the book of short stories of various myths. The one of the bard who had to speak the truth got me, because that's the kind of teacher, storyteller, person I want to be. Truth is hard but important.

The Dark is Rising: I first picked up a Dark is Rising book at my best friend's house during a sleepover, I'd finished the book I'd brought and needed another. I started reading and borrowed it and then found the next book and now own all of them. To me these books are winter and the holidays and the strange cold and quiet of winter.

Pickles the Firehouse Cat: This book recently came into my thoughts as I was browsing the NYPL store and found this whole collection of books by the author and illustrator Esther Averill and went oh, I know you. I texted my mom, because she must know them and after some research realized that I knew and loved this book. My uncle for a lot of years was a fireman so this book meant connected to him and cats.

Wee Gillis, this is another book that I read and read and it made me happy. I have Scottish ancestry on both sides and someone must have gifted me this book, but I don't remember where it came from only that I loved it. I loved how he played and how he cared.

Honestly I could keep naming books for ages as I still have a box/shelf of them, they're the books that changed me and these are only the first ones.
ceitfianna: (Dean time rambles on)
I'm currently sitting in Brooklyn after a day of travel to New York City and lots of reading in various cafes around Union Square. I'm up here because my life is rather strange, the University of Victoria invited me as an alumna to a lecture and reception at the UN tomorrow night. That means I get to see [personal profile] skygiants and [profile] arushindoll for a few days before heading back down to Delaware for my father's 75th birthday party. Then on Monday, I get to start volunteering at my local library and there's a job opening for a youth librarian at the library near where my brother lives in New Jersey. I feel like good things are coming my way and that its time to get to work creating the sort of life I want. That means focusing more on looking for jobs and cover letters and putting myself out there to be seen by the people I want to see me. Also just being in New York City always revitalizes me because it gives me a great sense of how diverse and wonderful the world is and how I can connect to it. I spent most of my afternoon sitting in a gorgeous cafe called Argo Tea reading the newest October Daye novel and feeling tired but content.

I love that Uncle Rob has hit upon where I am beautifully.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): If you were about to run in a long-distance
race, you wouldn't eat a dozen doughnuts. Right? If you were planning to
leave your native land and spend a year living in Ethiopia, you wouldn't
immerse yourself in learning how to speak Chinese in the month before
you departed. Right? In that spirit, I hope you'll be smart about the
preparations you make in the coming weeks. This will be a time to prime
yourself for the adventures in self-expression that will bloom in late
September and the month of October. What is it you want to create at
that time? What would you like to show the world about yourself?

In that same spirit, I recently complete two fics for exchanges that I can't share yet but I'm proud of both of them. They were in fandoms I know but focusing on characters that I don't normally write about and I hope their recipients end up liking them.

Fic Friday last week was wonderful and I wrote a good deal.
Twitter Fics )
ceitfianna: (lost in a library)
Today was a good day, I realized just how much of a difference I've made as the kids are taking out more books, listen to me and just connecting. It takes time to get the trust and respect of kids and I'll leave with it and knowing I can get it. I want to hold onto that.

In productive news, I finally did a post on my librarian blog about gaming, its Searching for Balance: gaming in the library.

Also my horoscope from Uncle Rob is just what I need to read. I will not expend my energy on those who don't see me. Instead I will stretch my job net wide, step out of my comfort zone and find a place where I'll be happy.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): "I need not sell my soul to buy bliss," says a
character in Charlotte Bronte's 19th-century novel *Jane Eyre.* "I have an
inward treasure born with me, which can keep me alive if all extraneous
delights should be withheld, or offered only at a price I cannot afford to
give." This would be a great speech for you to memorize and periodically
recite in the next two weeks. Do it in front of your mirror at least once a
day to remind yourself of how amazingly resourceful you are. It will also
help you resist the temptation to seek gifts from people who can't or
won't give them to you.

Poem: Eyes

Apr. 30th, 2013 10:35 pm
ceitfianna: (feathered face)
By Rae Armantrout

After John Milton
Our light is never spent.
Is spent.

Thus have we scooped out
maceration reservoirs.

We will blaze forth
what remains
as pixels.

Great angels
fly at our behest
between towers,

along axons and dendrites,

so that things stand
as they stand

in the recruited present.

Source: Poetry (June 2009).

from Poetry Foundation.

I have other things on my mind to do with work as I keep putting myself out there, but for now I'm just going to add my next right on the nose horoscope from Uncle Rob.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Ray LaMontagne sings these lyrics in his tune
"Empty": "I looked my demons in the eyes. Laid bare my chest and said,
'Do your best to destroy me. I've been to hell and back so many times, I
must admit you kind of bore me.'" I wouldn't be opposed to you
delivering a message like that to your own demons, Gemini -- with one
caveat: Leave out the "Do your best to destroy me" part. Simply peer
into the glazed gaze of those shabby demons and say, "You bore me and
I'm done with you. Bye-bye." And then walk away from them for good.
ceitfianna: (dream of a fantail)
Tonight I'm going to have Demeter bartend at [community profile] milliways_bar in honor of Felix Gaeta and the fact that I don't have to wake up terribly early tomorrow. I'm taking my car in for maintenance at 9:30 and then conferences don't even start until 2 pm, then at noon on Thursday.

I actually will have time to sleep and eat and read since I started My Life in France by Julia Child yesterday and love it. I want to be more like her, she was brave and daring with such a joy in how she lived her life.

I've decided to really embrace my latest horoscope from Uncle Rob:

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): The coming week will be an excellent time to
wash dishes, clean bathrooms, scrub floors, vacuum carpets, wash
windows, do laundry, and clean the refrigerator. The more drudge work
you do, the better you'll feel. APRIL FOOL! I lied. The truth is, you now
have astrological license to minimize your participation in boring tasks like
the ones I named. It's high time for you to seek out the most interesting
work and play possible.

I adore that phrase play possible and plan on trying to connect with people and write just be me for the break. My body's been feeling worn out and unhealthy of late, so there are going to be walks, because Spring is here, no matter the temperature.

Also since [personal profile] dodger_sister was curious about it and I'm proud of what I have, here's a snippet of my [community profile] queer_fest story.

A good moment )
ceitfianna: (paper butterfly)
I have this week off and its being just what I need so far. Saturday I slept in and then drove to another part of Michigan with the bonus of going through a small blizzard. That was terrifying but I made it safely to visit A and her family and all their cats. I've had time to read Breadcrumbs all the way through which I enjoyed. The Snow Queen is one of my favorite of Andersen's fairy tales because of how complicated it is and how the book captured it and set it in a real world that felt real and tough. Today I started Ship Breaker, a fascinating dystopian novel set on the Gulf Coast that won a number of awards when it came out and recently a sequel came out. I plan on spending lots of this week reading books through and writing Goodreads' reviews as well as poking at my many WiPs. I might post some tastes of them later.

Last night, we all went out to see Hansel and Gretel, which was just what I needed. Its a movie that doesn't take itself too seriously yet has a world that makes sense, families that feel right in their dysfunctions and characters that worked. I think my favorite part of it was the dorky fanboy character, who I could RP so easily. I have a type.

I've also been having dreams where I'm late for work or not dressed or lost, which are annoying but I'm used to them. They're part of what I deal with and rest is helping me a lot. I'm now at the point of being angry and starting to figure out a number of plans, I will get past this and be stronger.

I haven't posted any horoscopes in a while as Uncle Rob hasn't feel on the mark for me for a bit, but I'm going to take hope for this week's one. As I do feel like I'm standing on an edge of my life, its not one I expected but its here.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): In the coming weeks, I'm expecting your life to
verge on being epic and majestic. There's a better than even chance that
you will do something heroic. You might finally activate a sleeping
potential or tune in to your future power spot or learn what you've never
been able to grasp before. And if you capitalize gracefully on the
kaleidoscopic kismet that's flowing your way, I bet you will make a
discovery that will fuel you for the rest of your long life. In mythical
terms, you will create a new Grail or tame a troublesome dragon -- or
ceitfianna: (Star Trek dare to dream)
Today I went shopping in the outlets with my mother which is one of my favorite things to do when visiting. Now I've been needing a few things lately like a new watch and coat but haven't had the best of luck finding them. On this trip and especially at Orvis, I completely lucked out and everything is just a touch more professional than other things I've found and there were some fun things as well. At the moment I only have a picture of the watch over here. I'll link images that I can find online. There are cute balletflat type slippers to wear around the house in gray mix, my old Lands End slippers are still going but these are prettier and can be worn around other people more. The jacket is slightly quilted in a heathery grey and feels elegant, then I found these adorable gloves in the red plaid that fit my rather small hands perfectly and all of this stuff was hugely on sale. I do love the outlets. We also went to a kitchen store and I picked up a whisk and little spatula in pretty red colors and some nice sweaters at Eddie Bauer. It was a great trip especially as I went hey, I don't need my parents to buy me clothes anymore, I can afford them though it is still nice when they get me things.

Uncle Rob of Free Will Astrology came out with his beginning of the year horoscopes today and what he gave me perfectly captures what I want to accomplish. I want to be braver and trust that I can do what I'm trying to do. Also that not everything will be greeted by people going oh yes, that works, sometimes only a few people will acknowledge it but that's not a reason to stop. I need to remember this for my job and as I keep putting more of my writing and myself out into the world.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): "People wish to learn to swim and at the same
time to keep one foot on the ground," said French novelist Marcel Proust.
An attitude like that is always a barrier to growth, of course, but in 2013
it would be especially ill-advised for you Geminis. In order to win full
possession of the many blessings that will be offering themselves to you,
you will have to give up your solid footing and dive into the depths over
and over again. That may sometimes be a bit nerve-racking. But it should
also generate the most fun you've had in years.
ceitfianna: (paper butterfly)
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): You're a bit like a professional jet pilot who is
operating the pirate ship ride at an amusement park. You have
resemblances to a top chef who's shopping for gourmet ingredients in a
seedy convenience store. In other words, Gemini, you may feel slightly
off-kilter or dispossessed, even though you have a lot going for you.
Here's the best possible thing you could do while you wait for the fates to
show you how to make a correction: Make it your intention to feel
centered, poised, and at peace exactly as you are right now.

This is far too on point for me, Uncle Rob, as I feel like I've been trying to find my feet since August. Now that I have my apartment, I'm doing a lot better but its not all perfect. Yesterday, I woke up and lost one of my contacts, which meant going through the day wearing glasses with an old prescription which gave me a headache. Also the gaming discussions seemed to be moving faster than I expected, overall it wasn't a great day. The cable guys didn't show up and won't show up until Thursday, today won't work as I have a meeting but slowly there's progress. Once I found out that the cable guys weren't coming, I went to Pearle Vision to get an eye exam and I'm now wearing a trial pair of new lenses.

It's wonderful to be able to see properly and I'm slowly feeling healthier as well as figuring out my morning routine. I need to get a better ice scraper as mine just doesn't do enough and Michigan is being cold. I was able to be part of a discussion about what's happening in the library and feel like now things are starting to work. I can see how the school community comes together and how I can fit in with it. Up and down weeks seem to be the norm for me with good days and bad days, but this is a place where I fit and work. My aim is to keep focusing on the parts that work, look at ways to fix what doesn't work and keep making my home how I want it to be.
ceitfianna: (koru)
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): I don't have a big problem with your tendency
to contradict yourself. I'm rarely among the consistency freaks who would
prefer you to stick with just one of your many selves instead of
hopscotching among all nine. In fact, I find your multi-level multiplicity
interesting and often alluring. I take it as a sign that you are in alignment
with the fundamentally paradoxical nature of life. Having said all that,
however, I want to alert you to an opportunity that the universe is
currently offering you, which is to feel unified, steady, and stable. Does
that sound even vaguely enticing? Why not try it out for a few weeks?
Halloween costume suggestion: an assemblage or collage of several of
your different personas.

Yes, please, Uncle Rob, next week, I get my apartment and I'm in the process of getting a desk for work.

Today also I felt like I just fit within the library in a lot of little ways. Students asked for my help with computers, how to do things as did staff and faculty, it was a nice feeling. I had my picture taken for the yearbook in a posed casual shot as well with the school's Hephaestion who fixes everything. The students who asked were oh you're support staff, which made me blink at first because I usually associate that with admins but then they well you support us in the library. It was a surprising compliment and I talked fanfic with a group of students who said that I was the best librarian. Also I got to add a box of new books to the collection as the person before me set up a subscription with a service that sends books. It's a little odd to get books and not know what they are but pretty much they've been ones I know good stuff about. This horoscope also works because as a librarian I have a lot of roles and today I happened to fill in a lot of them. I helped with reference questions, computer problems, kids being kids, planning for overall school planning and roleplaying advice.

My professional development day yesterday was wonderful as I spent my time crafting what do I want to be teaching. Yes, I don't have any courses to teach yet but I was able to talk about them and make sure the library was part of the curriculum discussion. And lots of fun conversations with other people like the new government teacher who wants to go to New Zealand. It was something I needed, yesterday and today, a solid reminder that in a fairly short time, I have become a part of this community.

I'm still searching for the decoration stuff I want as I find myself being kind of oddly picky, but I'll figure it out and then lots of pictures. My to do list hasn't really shrunk as I'm pretty tired at the end of the day, but today I got my absentee ballot and will be sending it off tomorrow. Life is full and complicated but it won't be long before I'm putting together my apartment. This weekend was just a little low point for me, thank you to everyone who read and talked with me about it.
ceitfianna: (Charles+Raven-here to hold you)
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): "It was the best of times, it was the worst of
times." That's the opening sentence of Charles Dickens' bestselling novel
*A Tale of Two Cities.* The author was describing the period of the
French Revolution in the late 18th century, but he could just as well have
been talking about our time -- or any other time, for that matter. Of
course many modern cynics reject the idea that our era is the best of
times. They obsess on the idea that ours is the worst of all the worst
times that have ever been. When your worried mind is in control of you,
you may even think that thought yourself, Gemini. But in accordance with
the current astrological omens, I challenge you to be a fiery rebel: Come
up with at least five reasons why this is the best of times for you

This is far too apt for me today, Uncle Rob. I woke up late today, didn't have breakfast or tea and felt out of it for a good chunk of the day. Things did get done, I took care of the Fire Drill packets, which is a big things off my list.

In terms of living situation, I just emailed the extended stay place that's near the school as from what my parents have said getting my stuff will take some time and I think finding a place will as well. Even if I do find the perfect spot, it will require time to settle in as well as to move it all, but if I'm staying in a furnished apartment, it will be better for me. I miss having a kitchen to cook in and fill with my stuff so much and if I had a kitchen then I could make myself lunch and dinner. It would save me money in the long run even though I might end up spending a good bit on the rent at first. Today I went and saw an apartment complex that I really liked but they have a long waiting list for places. That just means I keep looking, but its tiring me out.

As per Uncle Rob, here are five reasons that this is the best of times:
1-I'm working as a librarian and changing the culture of the school.
2-I can afford to rent someplace with space and where in time I can have a pet. I don't have that space yet, but its possible.
3-Slenderman plot started in Milliways and I'm going to give Charles an EP to get him into it tonight.
4-Liquor is sold in grocery stores in Michigan, so after work tomorrow I can buy myself a bottle of Maker's Mark.
5-I have delicious cupcakes that I won at the All School Picnic.

A few more as this is making me feel good.
6-I've got a few fic ideas that I want to expand on. It feels like its been too long since I wrote something and I want to do some creating.
7-I've helped to create a roleplaying club and the students are very into it.
8-I just finished reading Team Human which is a wonderful satire of Twilightish books as well as being a wonderful book on its own.
9-I have a great Team Me in everyone reading this and my family to remind me to take care of myself and that I will get settled.
10-On Thursday, I'm going to go into a classroom and teach about researching to middle school kids.

A lull

Sep. 26th, 2012 01:34 pm
ceitfianna: (tea and a book)
I have today off and seem to have really needed it as I'm currently not feeling that healthy. I woke up with my back hurting and my body feels a little wobbly. A lot of this seems to be coming from the stress I've been under and I'm still waiting to hear if I got the place I want to rent, which sucks. Being in-between and waiting is one of my least favorite feelings ever especially as the weather's starting to get colder and all my winter weather stuff is in storage.

Job and tech thoughts )

Another good thing that happened yesterday was I was able to sit and watch a marathon of SyFy's Face Off and my host didn't change the channel, so I could type and watch TV. It was so nice and reminded me just how much I want my own space again. Oh and at work I ended up getting fed by people. I think people have started noticing how I don't really grab lunch, because my host brought me leftover pizza and someone else gave me a bagel. I do try to bring snacks, but I haven't been able to get into a place of properly making my lunch and someone even said, you need to eat or else you'll get sick. And the college counselor told me that a lot of the kids really like me, I think what I said on Monday about I think the kids see what I'm doing more than the administrators and teachers is true. I'm pretty okay with that, there are teachers who talk to me about projects as other teachers see what I've done for them, then they'll want me to help. In terms of creating a library culture, having the kids truly understanding is going to be more powerful since they'll talk about what I'm doing and make it real.

At the moment, I'm sitting at one of my favorite cafes drinking mint tea after having chicken noodle soup and just enjoying having a day when I don't have to be on. I'll head back later in the afternoon and start my laundry before probably trying to sleep slightly early.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): There's a good chance that your rhythm in the
coming days will resemble a gentle, continuous orgasm. It won't be
stupendously ecstatic, mind you. I'm not predicting massive eruptions of
honeyed bliss that keep blowing your mind. Rather, the experience will be
more like a persistent flow of warm contentment. You'll be constantly
tuning in to a secret sweetness that thrills you subliminally. Again and
again you will slip into a delicious feeling that everything is unfolding
exactly as it should be. Warning! There are two factors that could possibly
undermine this blessing: 1. if you scare it away with blasts of cynicism; 2.
if you get greedy and try to force it to become bigger and stronger. So
please don't do those things!

Uncle Rob, this does feel kind of true to me, because I'm starting to figure out what works for me at this job. One of the things I love about being a librarian is that my day is full of variety and when it works, I do get a real thrill from it. Students applauded me yesterday and I still get a kind of silly smile on my face when I think of it.

I realized that I almost forgot [community profile] yuletide, which I really shouldn't do. My three nominations were for The Seven Realms books by Cinda Williams Chima, Tommy and Tuppence by Agatha Christie and the Magids series by Diana Wynne Jones. All of them were approved, which was a nice feeling.

First Day

Sep. 4th, 2012 08:03 pm
ceitfianna: (lost in a library)
I'm feeling a little wobbly but good. Today was long and hopeful, I have all these lists of ideas and observations for the library. There's a lot of potential and I think the kids like me, I hope they do, the faculty seem to. One thing I need to figure out is when to eat lunch as I spend the lunch period telling them not to eat lunch in the library. And when I started out this morning was too early in the morning for me to eat though I had a really big mug of tea. That meant that I didn't actually eat until far too late in the day.

I was in the library from about 7:20am to 4:30 then in the school parking lot until 5:30 because one of my tires was flat. The AAA guy couldn't find a puncture in it and I have a little spare, so its okay for now. I need to find a good car place because I've had tire pressure issues before and possibly a Mazda dealership would make sense of it. That all meant that I didn't get to properly eat until I think 6 and back home until 6:30 or so. When I got back, there was lots of snuggling with Zadie, the beautiful dog at the place hosting me. She puts her paws on me and goes, no leaving yet, she improves my day so much.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): I'm guessing that you don't know the name of
the person who sent the first email. It was Ray Tomlinson, and he did it in
1971. You're probably also unaware that he originated the use of the @
symbol as a key part of email addresses. Now I'd like to address your own
inner Ray Tomlinson, Gemini: the part of you that has done valuable work
hardly anyone knows about; the part of you that has created good stuff
without getting much credit or appreciation. I celebrate that unsung hero,
and I hope you will make a special effort to do the same in the coming

I find this a really inspiring horoscope, Uncle Rob as I hope to be the kind of librarian that students and faculty can't imagine not being there. Or next year, they just open the door and look for me to say hi. I felt some of what I do and when it works today as I had a great conversation about unusual sports and books were checked out. What makes me sure this is the right job is that while my body is starting to go, didn't eat enough and awake for quite a while, I just feel positive.
ceitfianna: (map and key)
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Let's turn our attention to the word "mortar." I
propose that we use it to point out three influences you could benefit
from calling on. Here are the definitions of "mortar": 1. a kind of cannon;
2. the plaster employed for binding bricks together; 3. a bowl where
healing herbs are ground into powder. Now please meditate, Gemini, on
anything you could do that might: 1. deflect your adversaries; 2. cement
new unions; 3. make a container -- in other words, create a specific time
and place -- where you will work on a cure for your suffering.

This feels apt for me at the moment as I'm trying to make sense of where I go from where I came and where I'm going. Mortar and building are strong ways of moving ahead, while keeping myself solid and sure. I don't know what the shape of that will be, but I'll figure it out.

The moving stuff yesterday worked out. I plan on doing a longer picture post of my boxes at the stages of their journey. One thing I did yesterday was upload many pictures from my camera, the earliest were from this spring. Those will be shared in posts as I have the energy for them. Also my car needs to get its oil changed, not a big deal but something to be done.

My list has changed in good ways as I discovered that I don't have to pay comcast any money, I know where my stuff is and I can start being more serious in my volunteer stuff at the local library. Yet other things are there, my [community profile] ineedmyfics story is going slowly and I need to find a time to just write it for a couple of hours.

Also while roleplaying is full of wonderful stuff, there are also various things that just aren't as fun. I've been doing so many things for moving that have left me tired that I think now stuff is more settled, I'll find my groove again, at the moment though I'm around just quiet. There are some great OOMs and threads and ideas happening, but I've also learned for myself that I need to play to have fun. That's the entire idea. So that's why I'm not in chat as much or doing as many EPs, I'm trying to do what fills my days happily. This is rather rambly but I want everyone to know that I'm reading and hope to do more in games, but if I seem quiet or tired or jumpy, its not you, just lots of life for me. Another edit as listening and talking has made this issue seem less of an issue. Milliways has good people in it and I'm lucky to have them all in my life. Thank you all for being so generous to me.

One other good thing I forgot is connected to RP and creativity. Yesterday after all the stuff shifting, and a nice lunch with my parents, I wandered into a wonderful newish used bookstore in Lewes. There I found for 10 dollars, a 1958 edition of The Once and Future King, this is one of my favorite books, I love his incredibly human take on Arthur and his story.

Also this edition looks quite a lot like the one used in X2 and is according to Marvel, one of Charles' favorite books. I've been wanting to reread it and my paperback copy is in a box somewhere. I love those odd moments when fandom and normal life intersect.
ceitfianna: (sad face Tumnus)
Last night, I had one of the worst nights sleeps I've had since I was sick. I woke up coughing around 4 am and wasn't able to get back to sleep for another hour. Then I had this incredibly complicated and awful series of dreams. Parts were cool, I was at Starfleet Academy and young Picard was there, but there was some kind of attack. Then I was in a mall and in this store full of lots of gifts that were small and in pieces. One was this ceramic box full of beautiful tiny angry bird figurines. Now normally this shop would be a place I'd like but somehow one of my exes was there, the awful Republican one from high school and we were somehow engaged. I didn't want to be engaged and I felt sure that he'd tricked me or something but couldn't see how to get out of it. There was someone I trusted around, my mother was there later but I think someone else was in the shop part of the dream. We had to buy something from this store due to our engagement and then suddenly I was going on a bus for the invasion part of the dream and finally was able to say no to the ex. He was passive-aggressive and awful at me and then I woke up. The plan was to leave this morning for some bureaucratic stuff before someone came by to clean the house, she's nice and very talkative.

Well, I overslept, grumbled but am now registered as a Democrat to vote in Sussex County, and we ended up being able to watch the Olympics at the place we had lunch. After that I stopped off in Lewes to sit in a cafe and read. My list of stuff to do seems to be growing in weird ways and I kind of want to go back to sleep.

Yesterday was awesome as my parents had paid to see this shipwreck and before it there was a fascinating lecture about all the basic living stuff they found on it. Its called the DeBraak, this is a blog about it, at the moment it doesn't have a museum yet so its in various places. The tour reminded me of just how much I adore maritime history and that I'm always so much happier when I'm living near the water.

My main things to do at this point are more tying off loose ends to do with bills, address changes and the like as well as figuring out my schedule for the Lewes Library. I still need to unpack more but today is a day when I feel tired. Also I have letters and cards I want to send out and bah, my list is too long.

Oh and I have figured out how to watch the Olympics though TunnelBear does really make you pay for all the streaming so I'm being thoughtful in what I watch.

Editing to add my horoscope from Uncle Rob.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): The coming week will be prime time to
celebrate your eccentricities and cultivate your idiosyncrasies. Do you like
ketchup on your bananas? Is heavy metal the music you can best relax
to? Do you have a tendency to break out in raucous laughter when people
brag about themselves? I really think you should make note of all the
qualities that make you odd or unique, and express those qualities with
extra intensity. That may grate on some people, true, but it should have a
potent healing effect on you.

I like this horoscope a lot as I'm currently feeling rather unmoored and not certain of where I fit. I'm quite betwixt and between, but I know how to be myself.
ceitfianna: (Dean time rambles on)
Work is quiet and nicely air conditioned. Last night I slept wonderfully and wanted to sleep more but had work. The walk to campus was awful as its so hot that the air feels like its sitting on you. Last night I didn't make it home until about 12:30 but I did return to power, which was fantastic. Since yesterday was so long, I want to write it all down and on my way home I'm buying beer or ice cream. I'm in the mood for cold goodies.

6:30 am to 3:30 pm-cafe hopping in Ann Arbor. I went from Starbucks to Sweetwaters to Crazy Wisdom Tea Room

4 pm-get home and get ready to drive to work, which I did. Arrive in downtown and get more iced tea.

5 pm to 10 pm-on campus, at the end of my shift I had about four questions including someone who wanted me to find them a person's phone number. I kept explaining over the phone, the library is about to close and finally got through to them. Also one guy asking me if we could hold books and if not, could I go down and ask circ to hold them as I could sweet talk them. I don't think I ever fully answered him as I was sort of stuck going wait, what?

10 to 11:30 drive to park-n-ride, which was actually easy to find and then wait and wait for the Megabus.

11:30 pm to midnight-pick up artist for Kids Read Comics and try to get her to the place she's staying which is out in a close but surprisingly rural area. That drive involved navigating roadwork, going too far, one scare of wait, did I turn against a red light on a major intersection? I actually think I was fine on the intersection, it just seemed like I wasn't. It was one of those branching ones with like five roads coming in at once. Neither of us had slept a lot, she due to traveling, me due to power outage and I kept wanting to go, honestly I'm not this bad a driver normally. And I wasn't awful, I was just going through parts of Ann Arbor I wasn't terribly familiar with in the dark. Then out into the countryside around Ann Arbor, finally found the place then I thought I knew a quicker way home, I didn't, so had one turnaround before figuring out oh that road leads back to my place.

12:30-finally home, went online to check in with people and then fell over to sleep.

Since I've been working all afternoon, I won't get a chance to get to Kids Read Comics until tomorrow. I'm not sure what I'll be doing but I know that picking up the webcomic artist was a good thing to have done. Yes, it was a lot on the top of an incredibly long day but I did something helpful. Depending on how I'm doing, I might not actually volunteer for that long but it'll be fun to look in and see what's going on, it seems like a fun even.

I feel like my horoscope from Free Will Astrology this week about you have to grind through and do all the right steps feels true. This has been a week of getting through and getting things done, which I've done.
ceitfianna: (koru)
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): An apple starts growing on its tree in the
spring. By early summer, it may be full size and as red as it will ever be.
To the naked eye, it appears ready to eat. But it's not. If you pluck it and
bite into it, the taste probably won't appeal to you. If you pluck it and
hope it will be more delicious in a few weeks, you'll be disappointed. So
here's the moral of the story, Gemini: For an apple to achieve its
potential, it has to stay on the tree until nature has finished ripening it.
Keep that lesson in mind as you deal with the urge to harvest something
before it has reached its prime.

Last night on the phone with my father, I started crying as all my worries and fears of feeling like I'm failing by not having a job yet and starting to think about what do I do when lease and job shift hit me. I also slept badly last night for the same reason, but today I went to a massage place that I've been walking by for three years almost and went into it to treat myself. I had head, back, neck, face and feet taken care of and I feel nicely wobbly and loose.

Then I came home to read this horoscope, which reflects how I feel that it isn't time to worry yet or fret. I can do that but that's not what I need. I need to keep putting myself out there and showing the world, this is who I am. I'm a storyteller, a writer, a librarian and an educator, in the right setting, I can do amazing things. I will find that place and will move ever forward even if that means for a time, having stuff in storage and being a little in limbo again. I've done limbo, I've lived with little, I've lived on my own and I've set out on my own. I can do whatever comes next.

In things that I have accomplished, I signed up for the Narnia fic exchange as playing Tumnus has made me realize that I want to write something larger in that world. I've written a number of drabbles for him and smaller pieces for DE fic prompts but my last Milliways' EP was full of worldbuilding and made me think, yes, I want this. I also wrote a drabble about Charles for [profile] 100wordstories called Quiet about Charles.

He's been in my head a lot and fascinating as all the OOMs with [personal profile] andrealyn's Erik are flaily good. I can't wait to actually have both of them in Milliways and see what happens as Charles with all the love he gives wants Erik and Iris. The two of them might not agree with that as they're rather more possessive while Charles just isn't. Soon there will be sign ups for ineedmyfics and I will keep writing and putting myself out there until the right place finds me.
ceitfianna: (sad face Tumnus)
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Do you remember what you were doing
between July 2000 and June 2001? Think back. Did anything happen
then that felt like a wild jumpstart, or a series of epiphanies, or a
benevolent form of shock therapy? Were you forcibly dislodged from a rut
by an adversary who eventually became an ally? Did you wake up from a
sleepy trance you didn't even know you had been in? I'm guessing that at
least some of those experiences will be returning in the coming months,
but on a higher octave this time.

Yes, quite a lot of things happened during those months as the summer of 2000 was the one right after my first year at Randolph-Macon Woman's College and what I think of as my summer of hell. I ended up breaking up horribly with my high school boyfriend who then cut me off from a lot of friends and I worked on finding my way. Later I ended up with a fantastic partner and I had a great school year and spent time figuring out how to get myself to Athens in 2002. The world was hugely in flux, but I came out of it with some new scars but stronger and happier.

I'm taking hope from this as I just found out from my job agency that the job in Rhode Island was filled. I had a sinking feeling it probably was considering that I hadn't heard from them, but I still wish that I'd heard more than here's a check to reimburse you. Now I go back to the cover letter grind and go and write another blog post since I'm worried my current one isn't the best first impression.

My birthday celebrations keep happening as last night, I got two gift cards from one of my brothers. One for Zingerman's and one for iTunes, then did a wonderful sync watch with [personal profile] wanderlustlover, [personal profile] ladyoflorien and [personal profile] dynastessa of Shakespeare in Love and that movie is really such happiness for me.

I'm slowly getting all my errands taken care of as the new mirror's been ordered for my car and the price doesn't look to be too bad. The last steri strips are nearing ready to fall off my ear lobe, so I need to go and have another doc look at it to tell me if I need to keep it bandaged or not. My back hurts and I need to figure out getting a massage which got sidetracked by other ideas.

This is just a little dip, but I know that there is the right job out there for me. The three I interviewed for showed me that its a matter of everything connecting and it will happen. When August comes around, all the signs that say time to go out of Michigan will be answered.
ceitfianna: (pocket watch)
A week from today, I'm going to turn thirty-one and I don't know how to feel about it. Today is one of those days that's sort of felt disconnected from reality. I've been having a rather hard time of the month and I'm constantly worrying and waiting for job news. There were errands I meant to do today that I didn't as I didn't seem to have the focus for them. I managed some small errands for things I needed but larger ones went by as I don't feel up to confronting the bank or knowing what to ask for at the massage place. The weather's also been in-between as rain has been threatening but didn't fall until I got home so my walk was under grey skies.

As my birthday starts coming up, I'm not sure what I'll be doing for it. I think the Saturday after it, I'll be seeing a movie with [personal profile] dodger_sister which should be wonderful but otherwise I don't know. So much of what I want is in terms of things I can't control like a job and knowing where I'm heading to that its hard to feel excited.

There was a tweet today from Free Will Astrology about sending up a prayer for something you're not supposed to. All the things I've been hoping for are what I'm supposed to want; a job, direction, a next step. I decided to think a bit about that as my horoscope was also about being a little disobedient, which is tricky. The prayer I put together rather helped and I think I do know what I'm going to work on alongside all the job things to keep myself from going to pieces with worry.

What I asked for was about writing and getting my writing out there, which kind of feels right. It's something that makes my life better but its a little selfish as wanting people to enjoy my work helps me. I love writing and tonight I started a fic about Charles' first time that wasn't what he hoped for from a ficathon I discovered that's over here about realistic first times. At this point the fic is mainly about him and Raven being teenagers before it gets into the actual other stuff and I like the feel of it. Here's a snippet as I feel like sharing some of it. I'm changing the snippet as this fic kept me up last night and I like what I wrote then better.

The music was all the newest jazz and there were martinis and Penny was in his arms and his shields were a little fuzzy, because everyone was happy. He was kind of listening but since the conversation was quiet, the thoughts were too, there was a current of desire thruming through everything but that was always there.

Tomorrow is also TwitFicFriday and [personal profile] wanderlustlover has created an Archive of our Own community for it, so now I can upload those stories along with my backlog of Milliways' fics. When I write, I know that I'm creating and doing something and that gives me courage to go out and say, this is what I want to do. I want to work in a place where I can foster creativity as its so powerful.
ceitfianna: (Star Trek dare to dream)
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Your core meditation this week is Oscar Wilde's
belief that disobedience is a primal virtue. Be ingeniously, pragmatically,
and cheerfully disobedient, Gemini! Harness your disobedience so that it
generates outbreaks of creative transformation that improve your life. For
inspiration, read this passage by Robert Anton Wilson: "Every fact of
science was once damned. Every invention was considered impossible.
Every discovery was a nervous shock to some orthodoxy. Every artistic
innovation was denounced as fraud and folly. The entire web of culture
and progress, everything on earth that is man-made and not given to us
by nature, is the concrete manifestation of someone's refusal to bow to
Authority. We would be no more than the first apelike hominids if it were
not for the rebellious, the recalcitrant, and the intransigent."

Well, Uncle Rob, I have no idea what to make of that. Today I feel the weight of summer and waiting to hear about the last job sitting on me alongside my body being sore and awful. I have all these ideas and worries swirling around in my head from working on XMFC plot stuff in Milliways and not wanting to be too bossy, but also going I want all the threads and overthinking to worrying about the last librarian blog post I wrote and was it too honest. I don't feel how to be terribly disobedient at the moment, but its something to think on. Maybe its a reminder to stop worrying so much about spending my tax refund and instead go, if I see something I should do it just like that. It might also be that I'm feeling a little sharp at the moment, mainly due to the waiting but its okay to say, this is what I need now.

Yesterday at the cookout, I was talking about the characters I roleplay and how I tend to play fixers who forget to look after themselves, mainly because this is the kind of person I am. Perhaps I'll take my coming birthday as an excuse to indulge and take care of myself first.

My birthday's coming up in under two weeks now and [personal profile] dodger_sister has offered to take me out to dinner or a movie, probably Snow White and the Huntsman, which sounds wonderful. Yesterday I hung out with her and various friends for a cookout and talking about family, fandom and playing the six degrees game with actors, which is hard. It was a really lovely day and life is overall good, today I just feel a little tired.


ceitfianna: (Default)

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